


Wilted Petals

by Saferion



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (hanji is a precious bean), (it's not major but it does happen), (levi has enough fire in his soul though), (levi's a tea addict as much as i am a coffee addict), (not now but later!!!!, (you can spot a bit of depression but it's purposefully kept faint), Alcohol, Alpha Erwin Smith, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Angst, Blood, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, Dom/sub, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fragile Mental State, Grief, Headaches, Law, M/M, Nesting, No mpreg, Non Binary Hanji, Omega Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Panic Attacks, Pre-Canon, Scent Kink, Scent Marking, Scenting, Self-Harm, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers, omega instincts, self blame, slight PTSD, suppressants
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2019-02-06
Packaged: 2019-05-04 01:36:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14582070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saferion/pseuds/Saferion
Summary: Levi is a beta. That’s what everyone around him thinks, because Levi has been suppressing his omega-dynamic with illegal suppressants from the Underground for as long as he’s been able to. Even when Erwin recruits him into the Survey Corps, a corps that accepts and embraces omegas without questioning, Levi keeps his dynamic a secret.It’s all fine, really. It works and nobody is suspecting anything, until Levi loses all he’s ever had and starts slipping endlessly. He only finds consolidation in the arms of his commander, Erwin Smith, but is Levi ready to open up?Time will tell.





	1. Withering Leafs

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after 'A Choice With No Regrets' but takes places before canon starts! It continues a bit on ACWNR-storyline, but not a lot. I try to stay aligned with canon as much as I can!
> 
> Phew, that's said! Enjoy this baby story of mine! I'd written the first few scenes well over a year ago, but never had the time to finish it properly. Over the months, I've added and changed a fair bit, but never posted... until now! We'll see how it does, hope you enjoy! There's a lot more to come! 
> 
> A thousand thanks to Leo for helping me out with this through all these months! You were incredible support and actually fixed all those awkward canon and lore mistakes :'D  
> I owe you a lot, Leo!
> 
> -Saf

It’s common knowledge that you don’t pick poppies.

On the stem, the flower needs little to bloom. In fact, it flourishes on the soil that’s tainted by war; blood and flesh working like fertiliser to the flower. But once it’s cut from its stem, it fades quickly. Water or no water; the poppy will hang its head within the hour.

It’s simply not a flower to be picked.

There was beauty in passing a field of poppies, knowing that the flowers would be left alone to finish their bloom. Their magnificence laid in the unity they formed, flowing over the countryside much like a blanket covers a child.

They belonged there.

Yet the Common Poppy was a weed, a plant considered undesirable in a garden due to its wild growth and lack of beauty. The same flower, the Papaver Rhoeas, was the universal flower of wartime remembrance, the symbol for fallen soldiers.

Were soldiers also a weed?

The sunset touched the flowers nestled on the south side of the hill. The light that shone through the thin petals turned near-golden, darkened by the dark red colour of the poppy. Strengthened by the blood of the fallen soldiers, the flowers thrived.

You don’t pick poppies, but Levi picked one.

 

\----////----

 

The only windowsill in Levi’s room was decorated by a single poppy for an entire week.

The poppy guarded the table that stood under the windowsill. On the table was a box full of omegan suppressants; suppressants that Levi took bi-daily. They weren’t legal, coming from an old contact in the Underground, but they kept his secret like nothing else could.

Omegas were accepted into the army. Better yet, omegas were embraced just like any other secondary gender. There were relatively less omegas in high-class positions, but that was not strange. The submissive nature within omegas made them less inclined to chase positions of power. Keith Shadis managed, though. His promotion to the commander of the Survey Corps sparked an interest in young omegas, making for a sudden increase in enlistments. Although the increase faltered a bit when Shadis resigned to let Erwin Smith, an alpha, take over his place, the omegas never stopped coming. For all the bad stuff that Shadis had done, he’d never put omegas at a disadvantage. Thanks to Shadis, the army prescribed high-class suppressants for their documented omegas, dwindling their natural submissive nature and regulating their heats.

Levi never took those suppressants. When he was recruited by Erwin in that dirty alley, he was already dosed well enough on the Underground suppressants to keep anyone from noticing he was an omega. His military papers state that he’s a beta – fierce and passionate, but lacking the dominance that comes so naturally to alphas.

Levi would much rather be seen as a beta than a weak omega.

He opened the box and took out one of the small white pills, swallowing it dry. He softly closed the lid, trying not to disturb the dried poppy petals lying on the sill.

Within a few hours the poppy that he picked had wilted, but Levi never cleaned it. After two days, the petals started to fall one by one. They shrivelled up around the base of the frosted-glass vase, yet still Levi made no move to clean the leaves.

Every time Levi passed the poppy, he was remembered of the expanses of the fields. Even if every flower would resemble a fallen soldier, it still wouldn’t cover all the lost lives. So many people died for empty promises, white lies, and fallen cities. Was it all worth it?

War was as hopeless as picking a poppy, yet Levi picked the poppy and people kept on fighting. Just like the titans kept coming, new poppies would continue to grow.

It was an endless circle.

Would it be wrong to question what would happen to the fields if they were no longer irrigated with human blood?

Levi walked past the flower before he could think of an answer to that question.

 

\----////----

 

In all honesty, maybe the loss of Furlan and Isabel hit him harder than he thought.

He was alone.

From fellow soldiers, he knows that grief is often shown in missing people - seeing them in everyday things; from the mug someone loved to use or the horse that the other used to ride. Levi never once cared about those. The former owners were dead, possessions were passed on. It’s common sense.

Apparently, Levi experienced grief as a mind-scorching loneliness.

It’s not something that sets in directly after losing people. Levi could hardly remember what happened after he saw Furlan being devoured by that god-ugly titan, but he knew it wasn’t this wrecking sadness. Killing the titan that had taken his friends didn’t make him feel any bit better, either. His friends were dead, and Levi had failed them exactly on their first mission.

Deep down he knew it was his fault, yet still he tried to shove the blame on others – the commanding forces. Levi blamed Erwin for testing his new and clearly flawed Long Distance Scouting Formation and finding the weakness of the coloured flares at the cost of his friends’ lives. He’d confronted Erwin directly when he saw him, titan blood still evaporating from his shoulders. His outburst towards Erwin had stilled his anger and hate momentarily, feeling like he had a scape-goat to shove the blame onto. It felt good, even if it kicked and bucked against all of his inner instincts.

Levi should’ve known he was wrong when Erwin seemed hardly phased by his outburst. Erwin simply nodded, listened, and sent Levi home.

Erwin lost soldiers, too.

Blaming Erwin for his own mistakes wasn’t right. Levi realised that now, two months too late.

He was alone.

He hated to admit that this feeling was accountable to his omega status. He’s suppressed; he shouldn’t be even feeling _anything_ considering the amount of medication he takes. But he does, and Levi doesn’t know how to deal with it.

There are three poppies on his windowsill, each in their own stage of decay. Levi wondered at what stage of atrophy he was.

 

\----////----

 

It came to a breaking point when he no longer cared.

During sword practice it suddenly hit him: it was useless. It was useless to train for the invariables of the battlefield. Training was only a guise to keep the young soldiers under the impression that if they worked hard enough, they’d stand a chance.

The sun glinted off his opponent’s gear and Levi briefly saw his reflection in the other’s blade. Even in that glimpse of a second, he looked gaunt. Empty. Sick.

For the first time in his Survey Corps servitude, Levi got distracted.

He failed to block the incoming blow and saw, rather than felt, the incoming blade cut deep into his arm. Blood rushed to the wound, dirtying the beige material of his jacket. Levi absentmindedly raised his hand to wipe at the gash, watching the thick blood trickle off his fingers.

The sun reflected on every single finger, showing a small white orb on each droplet. Levi never knew blood could be so pretty.

He felt hands on his shoulders, trying to push him somewhere; down on the ground maybe, but Levi wasn’t going. He wasn’t going to stop fighting before he was dead.

Suddenly his long-learned instincts kicked in and took over. Levi drew his arm back and punched the Alpha behind him in the guts, just like Isabel always loved to do to thieving thugs. He picked up the fallen swords and fought.   

He was blinded by fury – fury that had no grounds of existing rather than the losses that he had to go through so many weeks ago.

Blood covered his hands and made his grip on the weapons weak. His left sword slipped out of his hands and he moved to pick the blade up when a loud voice cracked over the training fields.

“Ackerman!”

It was commanding, authoritative, and exactly the voice that issued the commands of his friends’ deaths.  

His submissive instincts screamed, but Levi ignored them.

He switched tactics and took the single sword in both hands. He had a new target. The world spun as Levi charged, the ground beneath his feet trembling with his steps. He rose his sword to hit Erwin’s neck, wanting to end it quickly and cleanly.

It got blocked. Erwin was silent as he let Levi deliver blow after blow, effectively blocking every hit.

Levi was getting tired.

His blade was bloodied. Huh. Had he managed to hit Erwin?

Sweat dripped into his eyes, blurring his vision. This guy was really good for making him work so hard.

Wait. How did he end up on the floor? Two bloodied hands came into vision, normally pristine nails chipped and bloodied. Are those his hands? Why are they dirty?

Did he zone out a bit?

“Levi-” Is that Erwin? Wasn’t Erwin bad? “Levi, stay with me.”

Hands roamed down his body, engulfing him in a comfortable and warm hold.

Erwin was good.

Levi gave in.

 

\----////----

 

Levi awoke with a pounding headache in a bed that wasn’t his. The stark white sheets were carefully bundled around his body and Levi didn’t belong here, he didn’t want to be here. It was clean, but it wasn’t comfortable.

It must have been a long time ago since he last wore an actual sleepshirt to bed. He never really cared much for sleep, seeing it more as a necessity than actual time to rest, and therefore Levi rarely changed into nightclothes. It was too much work.

His body felt dull and foreign – as if he’d been beating it relentlessly a day before. The throbbing headache didn’t help matters, either. Levi hated when he hadn’t had enough tea to drink and his addicted body acted up. He had to get away and fix himself a cup of strong, black tea.

Clearly his strength wasn’t back to normal levels when even trying to untangle himself from the sheets cost him nearly all his energy. His surroundings looked a suspicious lot like the infirmary rooms, and Levi had no intentions of staying here. A glance toward the windows told him it was somewhere close to midday; a difficult time to plan a proper escape. The harsh sunlight brooked no cover. He had just managed to work out another arm from under the sheets when he decided that a little rest couldn’t hurt. Escaping at midday with half of his strength wouldn’t do; it would be better if he would replenish a bit of his energy before slipping out of the window.

He closed his eyes and dropped off.

 

 

“I hope you didn’t plan on getting out of that bed.”

Levi blinked twice before he could even register what had been said. It wasn’t exactly reprimanding, but his weakened body _decided_ it was. Waking up due to being critiqued is something that rubbed right onto his fragile omegan core. He could barely hold back an apologising whine.

Only then Levi realised that he’d been lying on the bed half buried in the sheets, still in the middle of his obviously failed escape attempt. The window was covered by shutters, but Levi guessed it was late at night. His escaping skills were terrible.

Levi settled on glaring at Erwin, long and hard. Erwin was standing by the door, still in his Survey Corps uniform, though his jacket was messy and his bolo tie sat on his neck skewedly. It was clear he had only just come through the door, as he still had to close it.

“Aside from the clear medical restrictions,” Erwin barrelled on, uninterested, “the board doesn’t want you roaming free.”

“Fuck the board,” Levi rasped out, shoving the sheets off him, this time with a lot more ease, though his headache hadn’t resided.

“You’re staying in that bed, Levi,” Erwin commanded simply, moving up to Levi’s bed. “Pull up the covers.”

When Erwin realised that Levi would do nothing other than glaring, he sighed and moved to wrap the sheets around Levi himself. This close, Levi could see how _tired_ Erwin looked, with deep lines under his eyes, sunken cheeks, and hair that had lost its shine.

These were thoughts he can’t have right now.

“Tea.” If he was stuck on this godawful near-dirty mattress, at least he could demand to have tea. Erwin glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, assessing Levi, probably thinking if he heard him right. “Black tea.”

There was a pregnant pause until Erwin finally huffed. “I’ll ask the doctor to take some with her when she’s back to check up on you.”

Erwin tucked the last bit of sheet under Levi’s feet and sat back on the chair that was pulled up next to Levi’s bed. Instead of relaxing back into the chair, Erwin sat forward, leaning his head on his folded hands. His back formed a strong, hard line. It was clear that Erwin was worn down, but from what, Levi couldn’t know.

“The board doubts whether enlisting you to the Survey Corps was the right decision,” Erwin said after a long silence. “They want you gone. Wiped off. They believe I made a wrong decision, taking in a wild untameable thug.”

“Was it?”

“A wrong decision?” Erwin asks, pondering. “For them, maybe. But I refuse to believe it was.”

Levi met Erwin’s eyes, seeking out the lies in his words. Ever since Erwin had recruited him and his friends into the army, the commander barely spared a minute for them. Training and chambers were all arranged for, of course, but Erwin had barely shown any interest in him as a person.

Until that fucking formation mission happened and Levi lost all he ever had.

“Lawfully, you should be charged with a lot of offenses.” Erwin took out a carefully folded piece of paper from his chest pocket and offered it to Levi. The piece of paper had the crimes written out on it in Erwin’s neat handwriting, as if it was something mundane.

The offenses were far from mundane;   
_11a. Misconduct towards a Superior Officer: heavy_ ;  
_21\. Fighting or Threatening behaviour towards corps members: life-threatening_ ;  
_20\. Unfitness or misconduct through alcohol or drugs (suspected)_.

Were they going to send him to trial in court?

“Levi,” Erwin sighed out when he realised Levi had read all the charges. “Were you drunk?”

“I don’t get drunk,” Levi bit back, annoyed by Erwin’s obliviousness. He sighed and rubbed his temples with his fingers. “And besides I haven’t drunk alcohol for weeks.”

“It’s just,” Erwin took the paper back from Levi’s hands and gestured at the list. “Those are serious charges, Levi. The superiors are really done with you at this point.”

There was a minor crease in the sheets at Levi’s feet and Levi couldn’t help staring at it, annoyed by the small imperfection. Apparently Erwin noticed, because he stood up and fussed over the sheets until they were laid out straight.

When he was done he looked over at Levi, silently asking if there were any other things that required his attention. Once Erwin decided that there weren’t, he moved back to sit into his chair.

“You haven’t been living healthily lately,” Erwin stated, tone emotionless. “I figured you just needed time to work through it yourself, but this behaviour is something I hadn’t anticipated and frankly enough I am a bit repulsed by it.”

Suddenly his wounded arm started to throb faintly. Levi slowly moved into a sitting position, keeping the sheets wrapped tight around his body. He hated to admit he was affected by Erwin’s sudden cold tone.

“It’s because of those friends, right?” Erwin questioned. “The ones you took with you when you were recruited but died at your first mission.”

“Furlan and Isabel,” Levi whispered, memories flooding back. He expected to feel anger, but now the only thing he feels is mind shattering sadness. He hung his head, unconsciously baring his nape submissively.

“I can’t ever justify the violence you showed towards your comrades and your superior, even though I think it’s understandable with your pent-up grief and anger.” It almost felt like Erwin was forgiving him. “The board won’t keep giving you chances, Levi. You need to learn how to deal with loss and pain without hurting others and yourself in the process.”

“Then just put me first-row on the next expedition and be done with it,” Levi huffed. “That’s the easiest, isn’t it? To stop and quit? To kill me off?”

“You might as well have let yourself be eaten by titans right after they killed your friends.” Erwin stood up, sliding the chair back against the wall. He moved up to Levi and laid a warm hand on his uninjured shoulder, pushing him back onto the mattress. “You’re a fighter, Levi. You’ve fought all of your life, don’t stop simply because other people gave their lives so you could live.”

Erwin straightened himself out and tidied his jacket and necklace. He took one last glance at Levi and then he took off to the only door in the room, meaning to leave.

“Oh, and Levi?” Erwin called, hand on the doorknob. “There’s a Military Police officer outside the door to guard you. Don’t do anything stupid.”

When Erwin left through the door, Levi knew he had to get out. There was no better time than now to sneak out of the bed, but the series of commands spoken so confidently left him frozen in his spot. He couldn’t move, not if he wanted to.

His omega was responding to the alpha.

Levi probably should be more terrified than he felt.

 

\----////----

 

Levi stubbornly sipped his tea while the beta doctor tried to get a good visual of Levi’s injured arm. His headache had only gotten worse and he was in no mood to make things easier for the woman.

“Could you hold your arm out for me, love?” Levi glared at her while he slowly held his left arm out. The stretch hurt in his muscles and he couldn’t hold back a flinch. “Does it still hurt? I’ll increase your dose of morphine.”

She removed the bandage and checked the reddened flesh around the gash. This was the first time Levi saw the wound since he woke up and it was deeper than he had imagined it to be. Thankfully it was properly sutured up, but the wound would definitely scar.

The doctor wrote down a couple of notes on the files she had with her, sensing that Levi needed a bit of time to process his wounds. Levi wanted none of that sympathy.

“Are we done?” Levi asked impatiently, closing his eyes and sinking back against the headboard. “This bed stinks.”

“Your arm seems to have healed well enough for me to be able to discharge you tomorrow,” she said, unwrapping the first part of a fresh bandage. “Do keep in mind that your body is still very weak due to the bad care you’ve been giving it recently. You need to stay in bed, eat three to four proper meals, and drink lots of water. Tea’s also fine, just nothing too strong.”

She started wrapping his arm, fixing the loose gauze in place. When it was up and done, she grabbed her prepared needle and injected a small morphine dose in Levi’s arm. Levi opened his eyes slightly to glare at the prick of the needle and the beta looked over at him knowingly.

“Headaches?”

“Didn’t drink my tea in time,” he mumbled, closing his eyes again.

“I’m sure the morphine will deal with that as well.” The doctor took the empty tea mug out of Levi’s hands and set it on the bedside table. “Sleep. I’ll be back for further examination tomorrow. I’m sure the Commander will be, too.”

Levi stared at the ceiling for three more hours before he finally drifted off.

 

\----////----

 

“Someone is afraid you can’t take care of yourself.”

Mike strode far too easily into Levi’s quarters and glanced at the freshly-made bed, courtesy of Erwin. Levi had just been escorted back to his quarters as if he needed babysitting and it was clear Mike wasn’t leaving soon.

Internally Levi felt offended by the fact that Erwin had entered his room without permission, but Levi had no ground to stand on. All soldiers should have their rooms available around the clock for a room search and Levi was definitely not an exception. He was lucky it had only been only Erwin.

For all that Erwin had cleaned, he thankfully hadn’t cleaned the poppies. The windowsill still housed the three decayed poppies, their petals dried up in a dusty shade of brown. Levi glanced over longingly at the small box with omega suppressants; he knew he should take a pill -if not two- to keep his biology in check, but it would be a challenge to do so without appearing suspicious towards Mike. It was only then that Levi spotted the crisp note that laid in front of his suppressant box and Levi felt a small stab of panic. _No, no, no, he can’t-_

If Erwin had discovered his secret stash of suppressants, he’d be a dead soldier.  

Levi quickly grabbed the note to read it, scanning the words to find that they simply read that Levi should rest and take care of himself. As if. Of course it would be like Erwin to leave a note with instructions, probably thinking Levi couldn’t manage on his own.

Heaving a small sigh, Levi folded the note and carefully placed it in his box with suppressants, taking two small pills into his fist at the same time, quickly swallowing them dry while Mike couldn’t see what he was doing.

The note had also hinted at Erwin sending some people over to help him out. Levi looked back over his shoulder to see Mike roaming around Levi’s sparse room. The fucker really did have to send the most annoying soldier, didn’t he?

“Strict orders to lay you to bed immediately,” Mike said, probably sensing Levi looking at him. He leaned back against the far wall facing the bed, watching Levi with rapt eyes. “ _Commander’s_ orders, even.”

That struck a chord in Levi. He wasn’t a dog to command around and especially not if the orders had to be given through a faux babysitter as the messenger. He widened his stance, formed his hands into fists and glared openly at Mike.

It was a clear challenge; something Alphas did to determine authority.

Mike wasn’t even phased.

“I could always take you back to the medical ward,” Mike threatened easily, lips turning into a poorly hidden smile. He nodded towards the grey covers. “In bed.”

Levi wanted to fight the command, he wanted to put on his strong beta demeanour, but he just couldn’t make himself to do it. He was tired, he was upset, and frankly enough his headache was killing him.

Maybe sleep would help.

He padded over to the bed, but glared at Mike right before he stepped in. “Ogle at me while I’m asleep and I’ll kill you.”

Mike’s laugh was hearty and warm. “I don’t think you’re the first in line to try that.”

Too busy inspecting the sheets, Levi ignored the comment. The fabric smelled amazing; fresh, but with _his_ scent, not the disgusting detergent that the hospital bed was covered in. Clutching the sheets around his body, he breathed in deep, relishing the feeling.

He’d confront Mike tomorrow.

 

\----////----

 

The stark wind blew straight under his cloak, effectively cutting through all of his layers of fabric. Bundling his cloak together with one arm, Levi tried to limit the cold breeze, but he didn’t care too much about the cold. He was just happy to be back out.

A discharge from the medical wing hadn’t been a discharge from care, as Levi had sourly found out. Erwin had constantly posted soldiers around his room to keep an eye on him. Sure, the commander had covered it with some ‘he needs to recover as quickly as possible’ bullshit, but Levi was neither blind nor dumb. They were posted there to make sure that Levi didn’t flee.

He was a prisoner.

Though that shouldn’t have come as a surprise to Levi, seeing where he had been his entire life just to survive. The years in the Underground had shaped him as a person and had helped him build the defences he relied on so much in the Corps.

He steered his horse towards the narrow streets of downtown Shiganshina District, hoping to avoid the cutting wind. The hooves sounded dull against the old cobblestones, toned down by the little patches of grass growing between. His mare had her ears pricked forward, glad to be able to stretch her legs again. Seems like he wasn’t the only one in dire need of fresh air.

After a few days of forced rest, Levi’s arm had healed up quite nicely. And after finally being able to catch up on his sleep, Levi had to admit that it had done him good. He was more alert and keener on his surroundings. His sense of smell had improved, which enabled him to anticipate opponent’s moods. A lifesaver.

His headaches hadn’t subsided, not even with a massive amount of tea.

It’s not like he told anyone, though. He wanted to get off bedrest and to get back into the open air, so he needed a medical approval. That approval wasn’t going to come anytime soon if they learned about the lingering headaches, so Levi kept his mouth shut. It was bearable.

Urging his horse forward in a relaxed trot, he rode down the streets, slowly making his way back to the army base. Levi was not dumb enough to think that Erwin would let him stay away for too long. That sucker would not be beyond sending out a search party if he thought Levi wasn’t back at a decent time.

It happened in a flash of a second. A kid reached out to his horse’s flank and Levi had him pinned on the ground before anyone could blink. An old piece of bread rolled out of the small hand, tumbling onto the dirty cobblestones. _Shit, oh shit-_

Levi had assumed it was a threat and handled accordingly. He hadn’t calculated for it being an _innocent_ kid. An innocent kid that he, a member of the national army, had nearly killed.

He quickly rolled off and eyed the kid suspiciously, waiting for some ugly tears to roll down the kid’s cheeks. That’s what kids do when they’re upset, right? The child looked back at him, seeming not even the slightest bit moved by what just happened. If anything, it looked happy. What the hell?

“Did you just jump off your horse?” he inquired curiously. “I’ve always wanted to see a Survey Corps soldier up close! You’re amazing!”

The downright adoration unsettled Levi. He wasn’t used to getting admired and he figured there was good reason he wasn’t. Threatening a kid was one of the high-ranking reasons on his list, for one.

“Is that a real cloak?” The kid reached out to touch the fabric, and Levi hadn’t had the heart to bat the hand away like he normally would’ve done. He owed the kid one, he supposed. “I bet it keeps you real warm, sir!”

Levi assumed it wasn’t the kid’s intention to beg, but the words made him realise that the child was very poorly dressed for this type of weather. The clothes that he had on him were old rags, torn and stained at the edges. The family probably didn’t have a lot to spend.

For first time in his life, he felt sorry for a child.

“Oh.” He slowly unclasped his cloak and shrugged it off his shoulders, carefully folding the fabric so it wouldn’t touch the mud. “Here you go, bud. You need it more than me.”

In that moment, Levi realised what it feels like to make other people happy with selfless acts, and it felt better than anything he had ever done before.

And if it earned him a proper scolding when he got back at the base, not one word of complaint would be heard from him. The cost to replace it with a new one was worth the smile the kid had given him.


	2. Fallen Bloom

It’d been six weeks since the charges for his misconduct towards his fellow soldiers were dropped.

Trees zipped by as Levi quickly wove his way through the forest, angling his gear towards the separate branches to speed up even more. Their mission had gone surprisingly well; they’d dealt with all the titans professionally and effectively, ensuring his team’s safety. His team was commanded by Hanji Zoë; a painfully enthusiastic beta that knew too much for their own good.

Zoë grated on his nerves, but Levi had to admit that they were good at their job.

The Long-Distance Enemy Scouting Formation had worked in their favour, this time. It was Levi’s first mission since his forced time off and he hadn’t been happy hearing that they were going to use the formation that made him lose so much.

Ironically, they had lost nobody today.

Erwin had sent out two teams to scout alongside the western part of the forest after farmers had reported titans there. Hanji’s team had been tasked with the evisceration of the most western side, while Mike’s team took the area a bit more to the east. While the two teams scouted the regions in the widespread formation, Erwin rode behind his soldiers, checking their progress and watching for flares. The formation had undergone some technical adjustments after the casualties it had caused the first time around and most of those changes were thankfully already tried and tested.

Directly after they had scouted their assigned area, Hanji collected their teammates, congratulating them for their service. Their easy approach and their widespread smile worked infectiously, as most of the members openly cheered up by their compliments and occasional hugs.

They wisely left Levi alone.

When the celebrations were over, the team headed back to retrieve the horses. During the titan chase, they had collectively dismounted their steeds to be able to use their 3DMG, but they needed to fetch the animals to bring them back to the base. ‘Taking care of possessions’, and all that.

And so they were using their gear to get to the dropping point a bit faster, honing their skills along the way. Levi had no complaints about that, happy to use his gear leisurely. Just when they’d reached their horses, a purple flare burst above the nearby treetops.

“Emergency!” Zoë screamed. “Take the horses and ride in formation!”

Levi froze in place, staring at the small puffs of purple air the flare had left in its wake. The other team was in deep trouble.                             

 

\----////----

 

The omega’s body weighed heavily in Levi’s arms.

Hanji’s orders had ruthlessly broken him from his shell-shocked spell, sending him into the saddle to follow his team to the flare’s origin. They had ridden straight into the rural wheatfield when a titan fell to the floor at their feet, steam coming from the deep and clean gash on his neck. Erwin had landed next to the monster mere moments later, posture strong and authoritative, barking out orders to his soldiers.

He had only been able to properly assess the situation once he diverted his attention from Erwin and the titan. The field was a massacre.

There were soldiers lying everywhere.

And blood, so much blood.

Overwhelmed by his omegan instincts to soothe and care, he made his way over to a fellow omega, a small young woman who was bleeding heavily from an arm wound. Her brachial artery was ruptured and the ground around her was soaked through. Levi had to stop the bleeding.

Remembering his lessons on emergency care, Levi moved his trembling fingers to fumble a makeshift bandage around her shoulder. The blood made the fabric soggy and Levi had difficulties with getting it to stay in one place.

He didn’t realise he was softly muttering under his breath until the omega let out a soft humming sound, designed to soothe and ease omegas. The omega had laid her head back into his arm and it was heavy in his grasp. She was losing blood rapidly and really had to stop it now before-

“ _Levi_ ,” Erwin said, sternly, as if he’d been calling out his name a couple of times already. “Levi, look at me.”

He _needed_ to save this omega, couldn’t Erwin see? He needed to do make up for his past failures by saving this life, by keeping this omega breathing, by stopping the bleeding.

“No,” he muttered, shrugging himself away from the patronising hand that laid on his shoulder. “No!”

Shaking fingers picked up a new piece of fabric, one that wasn’t as drenched with blood as the others, and pressed it back into the wound.

“Levi,” Erwin sighs, wrapping his strong hands around Levi’s bloodied ones. “She is dead. Let her go now, son.”

 

\----////----

 

The blood just didn’t come off.

Levi had wasted all his allotted warm water and the water that he used to scrub himself now was cold, turned a light pink by the small amounts of blood he had managed to get off.

Still, wash as he might, Levi couldn’t get himself clean.

Four people from Mike’s team had died. They’d just completed the mission, just like Hanji’s team had done, when a last titan seemed to come up out of nowhere, ambushing them from behind. Needless to say, they hadn’t been prepared. Mike had barely had enough time to pull out his swords to start the counterattack when two of his team members had already been partially devoured.

Mike shot the purple flare right before he charged, but it had been too late from the moment it was fired off. Mike had been thrown several feet through the air but had miraculously survived the attack. Four of his team members weren’t as lucky.

Even though he fucking knows that in his field of work people die, he still can’t stop himself from taking the blame. They weren’t fast enough to help Mike’s team and the teams weren’t trained enough to provide adequate support. If only he knew more EMC, if only he had ridden his horse faster, if only he had crossed the clearing before listening to Erwin… maybe he would had been able to help Ava, the omega.

Levi can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if the titan had ambushed his team.

He scrubbed harder, breath catching in his throat as the abused skin slowly got torn away, leaving red patches on his arms and legs. Blood sluggishly welled up from several spots on his skin and Levi’s breath hitched at the sight.

Furlan and Isabel’s blood.

A sudden bout of vertigo sent him toppling over and Levi quickly had to send out a steadying hand against the wallboard to keep his face from slamming into the floor.

The soldiers could’ve been saved.

It was all his fault.

His hands flew to his hair, pulling at the strands until the pain turned into a dull ache. It grounded him, punished him for all the mistakes he had made. The pain was nothing in comparison to the soldiers’ bodies they had to set on fire today.

It seemed as if he couldn’t get any air.

His knees hit the cold floor, but he didn’t feel the pain shooting up his legs anymore. Faint wheezing sounded off the walls and Levi clawed at his throat, fruitlessly trying to widen up his airway.

Spots danced into his vision and suddenly the floor was mercifully cold against his face.

 

\----////----

 

Safe.

Pictures of his mum flooded into his vision; happy memories and moments they spent in the short time Levi knew her. It was the only time he had truly felt unworried. It was as if he was back in her arms, fingers dancing through her soft and flowy scarfs.

Levi drowsily came to, feeling comfortable and surprisingly safe. It wasn’t that he felt exceptionally well-rested, but his joints didn’t feel as tired as they did when Levi got off his horse the day before.

The mission. The deaths.

Regret and self-hatred bubbled up inside him almost immediately after and Levi balled his fists, trying to purge the emotions through willpower alone. Sleeping seemed to be a much more preferable choice now, so Levi clenched his eyes and burrowed his face in the pillow, inhaling deeply.

A feeling crept down his spine and Levi went rigid immediately.

Something was off.

“Back with us?” someone faintly murmured in his ear and Levi relaxed at the soft and easy tone before he realised he wasn’t supposed to be lying into someone’s arms. What if they discovered he wasn’t a beta?

Recoiling roughly, he scampered out of the hold -Erwin’s, apparently- and moved back against his headboard to create some sense of distance between him and the commander.

Was he seriously _sleeping_ in his lap?

Levi mentally counted back on when he last took his suppressants, hoping that the effects hadn’t worn off badly enough for his scent to come through to Erwin. Nobody was supposed to know he was a weak omega, especially not Erwin.

“What.” It was harsh, yes, but Levi wasn’t happy with this severe lack of privacy. Levi didn’t _ask_ for him to come and he most definitely didn’t _want_ to wake up in his superior officer’s lap. At all.

“I see you are.” The reply was soft and at ease; amused, even. Erwin wasn’t bothered by Levi’s one-eighty turn in demeanour. “Have you calmed down a bit?”

Levi’s head snapped over to Erwin, incredulously staring the man down. Levi’s whole posture screamed ‘not calm’, with the way his chest rose and fell visibly thanks to his heavy breathing. Keen as Erwin normally was, Levi couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed that yet.

And besides, his scent had to be sending off _waves_ of anxiety right now, even through the suppressants.

“I was concerned about you,” Erwin said once the silence stretched on for too long. “Last night. And then I got here to check up on you, just to find you passed out on the floor.”

Oh _shite._

Erwin looked over to how Levi tried to melt back into the headboard, slightly tilting his head at the display.

“You know, there’s nothing wrong with betas scenting alphas.” Erwin took back his position he presumably had before Levi moved off his warm lap. “Especially not when they’ve gone through particularly emotionally draining activities.”

But there _was_ something wrong with unbonded omegas scenting alphas, even if one of the parties wasn’t aware of said ‘omega’ part. It was considered improper to scent omegas you have no intentions of courting, which was precisely why Levi should not be engaging in that behaviour.

“No,” Levi settled. Erwin raised a thick eyebrow at his sudden remark, so Levi elaborated. “I don’t need comfort.”

Erwin stood up and moved to the only window in the room, staring out onto the centre plaza. Guessing from the sounds of metal slamming against metal, it was sparring time. Erwin placed his hands on the windowsill, taking obvious care not to disturb the petals strewn across it.

Levi could smell Erwin’s frustration, even from the other side of the room. The commander wasn’t mad, that much he could tell, but he wasn’t happy with Levi either. It set Levi on edge.

“You don’t need comfort.” Although Erwin didn’t speak the words very loudly, they rang loud and clear in Levi’s ear. “You don’t need comfort, yet the moment you’re left alone you scrub your skin off.”

Erwin turned around briskly, staring Levi down with a face scrunched up in frustration. Levi couldn’t help shrinking back a bit, and what the fuck? He should be straightening his posture and puffing out his chest to affirm his beta position.

“You do need help, Levi.” Erwin towered over him, using his height and _alpha_ on Levi like he had never done before. Levi resolutely locked his knees. “You harmed yourself last night, severely. After the events, it’s understandable that you need to vent your frustration somewhere, Levi. All of us do. I understand your emotions, but it has gone on for long enough.”

It was like Erwin was holding his hands and telling him ‘that’s enough’ straight to his face, like a parent berates their child for pestering their brother or sister. Erwin has never told Levi that he’d crossed a line before; not when Levi blamed Erwin for deeds he didn’t do, not when Levi openly attacked Erwin and not even when Levi kept nursing a dead body. But when Levi took the blame and punished himself for past mistakes; that’s when Erwin put his foot down.

Huh. Guess that at least someone was looking out for him.

Well, fuck that.

“People died, Erwin.” Levi snorted through his nose, abhorred. “Their deaths could’ve have been prevented. We took too many risks, scouting out like that, having no medical professionals on either team.”

Erwin slowly cocked his head at Levi, an assessing look in his eye. Levi didn’t dare blink, not wanting to overthrow his position as opposing beta.

“My commands kill people every day, Levi. It doesn’t make it easier, not even knowing that those deaths will save loads of other lives. It’s like choosing. It’s playing God, while I have no right to,” Erwin said softly. His face seemed calm, but Levi could see the slight twitch in his fingers. This was a touchy subject for Erwin. “Every time that I send soldiers into life-threatening situations I have to weigh the pros and the cons to decide if the danger’s worth it. The military is the only profession where you can’t stop at ‘it’s getting too dangerous’ but have to push on instead.”

It was almost as if Erwin’s thoughts made sense when they were voiced like that. Of course Levi realised that there was a danger in fighting titans, a danger that had to be approached to save mankind, but Erwin should have had accounted for all possible outcomes. A sudden titan seems like an obvious risk, one that should’ve had a back-up plan. So why wasn’t there one?

“So all the past deaths haven’t motivated you to take all precautions possible to avoid future deaths?” Levi _knew_ he was out of line when he said this, but this had been nagging him for so long – he might as well share it now. “Why weren’t there back-up plans?”

Within seconds Erwin’s fragile and open demeanour changed to his hard and unbreakable alpha side. It was as if Erwin left the room and only left the Commander in his wake. All traces of the soft and familiar scent were drowned in the heavy pheromones of an angry alpha.

It was fucking terrifying.

“Everybody seems to know how to fill the role of commander.” It was a statement. Not a question, not a point of discussion, not even an opinion. This was the truth, and Erwin’s tone brooked no argument. “Nobody knows what it’s like.”

With that, Erwin left the room, saying nothing more. When the door clicked closed behind the commander, Levi finally sunk to his knees, giving in to his submissive instincts.

Half an hour later, Levi was sitting in his chair with a cup of strong black tea, nursing away the last dredges of his minor subdrop when a cadet knocked on Levi’s door. He was carrying a massive stack of papers and Levi hesitantly accepted them.

They were all the back-up plans made for yesterday’s mission, including what to do in case of an unexpected titan ambush.

Erwin _had_ been prepared, but no plan could’ve ever prevented that situation from happening.

 

\----////----

 

It was a foggy morning with a cold wind blowing against the soldier’s faces.

Looking at the soldiers, you’d never guess the weather was that harsh. They were lined up exquisitely with each soldier exactly three feet apart, holding the official pose with practised ease.

Today was Inspection Day.

There was nothing weird or strange about that day - in fact, it was a weekly occurrence. The officers checked whether the soldiers had taken care of their equipment. The Survey Corps gear was efficient but required high maintenance with the many leather straps and machinery. Regularly oiling might well mean the difference between life and death.

Levi had never feared the outcomes of the inspections. His gear was always pristinely cleaned, every piece looked over several times before he deemed it sufficient. He spotted cracks and indents almost immediately and took great care to quickly replace broken items.

Apart from his own gear, Levi took care of his horse’s tack every week, too. There was something calming about rinsing, oiling, and balming the leather that soothed something within him. Maybe it was the fact that you always saw the effect of your hard work, or maybe it was the soft stroking that calmed him down, but Levi never minded doing some cleaning.

Until yesterday.

Ever since his outburst against Erwin those few months ago, he’d had numerous splitting headaches that leave him weak-limbed on the bed, uncapable of doing anything other than breathing. When he came home from the last mission, worn to the bone, he hadn’t had the energy to clean his equipment. Waking up the morning after was decidedly worse, but Levi had somehow managed to drag himself out of bed and onto the plaza.

He looked like utter shit.

The inspecting officers were moving down the line steadily and Levi glanced down at his own gear. Courtesy of his constant cleaning, the leather wasn’t excessively dirty or badly cared for, but it was clear that it hadn’t been cleaned after yesterday’s mission. Daring a few looks at the gear from the surrounding soldiers, Levi knew that he was safe. No one looked after their equipment as well as Levi did, and it showed off, even when he hadn’t cleaned it.

“Ackerman.” It was spoken without heat and without accusation, but Levi couldn’t help but flinch. “Have you cleaned your gear properly?”

Levi knew the officer took on a different ( _kinder_ ) tone on him than the other soldiers he berated for insufficient cleaning, but with his emotional volatility anything sounded accusatory. He dropped his head, shyly eying the feet of the officer standing in front of him. He couldn’t dare to look him in the eye, beta posture be damned.

“Ackerman,” the officer gently prompted again, crouching down to meet Levi’s eyes. His nose scrunched up slightly, as if catching a faint scent. “Are you alright?”

“Quite.” Levi knew it was snappy and maybe out-of-line, but he was mad at himself for not being able to keep his emotions under control. He was so weak right now that he’d probably follow any command the officer would hand him, and the guy was a _beta._

The officer wrote a few clipped lines down in his notebook, staining the otherwise empty page behind Levi’s name. “Take this day off, Levi. Rest.”

Thankfully the officer moved on before he could see how weak-kneed his commands had left Levi.

 

\----////----

 

Levi was fucking sure that Erwin was stalking him.

It’s normal that a commander checks up on his troops, obviously. It’s required to see at what level they are in their current training, because all the strategies go hand in hand with the soldier’s levels. Levi could also understand that it’s important to show specific interest in the better scoring soldiers, because they might possess certain qualities that Erwin could individually exploit in his plans or to promote soldiers to higher positions.

But Levi was neither special nor ready to be promoted at all. If anything, he should be deranged.

His training results had been nothing short of pathetic over the last few days. Thanks to his headaches, he barely slept and hardly ate, which in turn showed during practice. It didn’t require a look into a mirror to know that he had dark circles under his eyes. His face _felt_ gaunt, even.

Yet every day that he had to show up on the plaza -with different reasons each time-, he spotted the Commander slinking around at some point during the training. Something just couldn’t be a coincidence if it happened at least three days in a row. Levi might not read between the lines every second, but he wasn’t _that_ dense.

Erwin was checking up on him.

But Levi couldn’t decide on _why_ Erwin was so interested in him. He understood the increase in security right after his outbursts, but now, months after good -may it be moderate- behaviour? Levi just couldn’t wrap his head around it. Was it because he was underachieving? If so, then Erwin should just confront him, rather than slink around him like a predator that’s too afraid to strike just yet.

Frankly enough, it pissed him off.

He’d fled to the stables this morning, hoping to avoid any familiar officers that could rat him out to Erwin, but fate hated him. It was blissfully quiet when he was brushing his horse, but before he could even set one foot outside the stable doors, he spotted Erwin making his way over to him. This time? He was getting answers.

“Oi!” Erwin raised his head easily after Levi’s comment, eyes scanning over Levi’s body briefly before they met Levi’s thundering gaze. “What do you want?”

Erwin regarded him silently, face unreadable. Where Levi’s anger and frustration simmered beneath his skin, Erwin just seemed extremely at ease. It almost looked like he expected this sudden burst of emotions thrown at him, his alpha taking everything in stride before forming an eloquent response.

“Levi.” Erwin nodded over to a low stone wall, gently steering Levi over. “Sit down.”

And na-ah. He might have sat down when it wasn’t brought as a command, but the imposing tone just rubbed him the wrong way. He crossed his arms and glared down at Erwin who already sat on the wall.

“I don’t repeat myself, Levi,” Erwin said, clearly a bit louder than required. Levi’s resolve crumbled. He used to be so good in clenching his teeth and disobeying commands, but lately some words were enough to send him to his _knees_ , goddammit. He sat down next to Erwin, taking care not to touch the man in any way. He wasn’t sure what his omega would do to _that._

Keeping up beta appearances had never been so hard as they had been these past months.

“I take pride in knowing the people who work for me,” Erwin said with a soft sigh, gaze locked on two training soldiers across the field. “You’ve always delivered excellent work, albeit with a fair bit of character. I’ve been vouching for you ever since your reports came back with shining results. But those results suddenly stopped being shining.”

Levi’s mouth twitched bitterly. This was it; Erwin was finally dropping him and disowning him from the army. He hadn’t delivered proper work and was too much of a liability to both the Corps and the board. Levi closed his eyes and breathed in sharply.

“I’m concerned about your health.” Seriously? Couldn’t Erwin just deliver the final blow in one smooth swing? “Stop fiddling your fingers, you’re not in trouble.”

Levi opened his eyes, expecting to have Erwin looking at him, but Erwin was still watching the soldiers across the field. Erwin was way too perceptive for his own good.

“Have you been feeling good lately, Levi?” And this time Erwin _did_ look over to him, blue eyes staring straight into all his hidden secrets and insecurities. “I don’t want to hear your normal response of ‘good enough’. I can see you’re not like you could be.”

Well, that just stripped lying off his list.

“I just,” Levi started out hesitantly, scrambling for words to correctly voice his current feelings. The obvious problem was that he himself didn’t even know what he was feeling, which both confused and irritated him at the same time. How can he explain something he doesn’t even know the answers to? He can’t. He can’t, and so he doesn’t talk about himself, period. “It’s none of your concern, _Commander_.”

“It is my concern, _Levi_ ,” Erwin bit back immediately, taking on the same tone as Levi. “And you damn well know it. If not for personal care I give to my soldiers, then it’s for the reliability of my soldiers on the field. I need to have my soldiers at their best health possible to be able to trust them.”

There was a long and sudden pause which was obviously added to give Levi some time to think, but it only felt like a conformation his death sentence. And then it struck him.

“Have you taken me off duty?” Levi snarled, feeling his inner omega screaming at Erwin. He felt betrayed and belittled; taken care of as if he couldn’t stand his own anymore, while both he and Erwin knew he definitely could.

“No, Levi. I wouldn’t do something like that before discussing that with you first.” Levi just raised a thin eyebrow at Erwin, challenging him to tell him that this wasn’t meant to be that specific ‘discussion’. Erwin carded his fingers through his blond locks, deep in thought. “But I might have considered it. If you can’t give me the answers I seek, I’ll have to send you over to Medical.”

It was a clear message: come clean or be cleaned. Somewhere in the back of his mind Levi knew that Erwin was going easy on him, giving him the chance to explain what was going on, giving him open questions to answer as he wanted, yet keeping a guiding hand on the low of his back to steer him in the right direction.

Erwin was an excellent alpha. Textbook.

Levi also knew that this behaviour was normal around betas, if not slightly oppressing. Betas usually didn’t care about alpha behaviour; commands came and went and could be ignored with a shrug. For omegas it was a lot tougher to ignore emotions and behaviour of all biologies. If not suppressed, then an omega picked up on emotions and behaviour very easily, both by smell as by posture. It was a second nature to send out soothing hormones when an alpha was mad, just as it was normal for an omega to feel anxious when two alphas were fighting. Very few could stand their ground when emotions ran high, which was why so many omegas used suppressants.

With suppressants, they practically were gentle betas.

“Levi, are you still with me?” Erwin coaxed gently. “Don’t avoid my question.”

With suppressants, commands were a lot easier to ignore.

“Haven’t been feeling that fit,” Levi admitted silently. He had been tired, nauseous, weak and had had a lot of headaches, but he didn’t dare tell Erwin, afraid to be belittled again. “Probably some remnants of my time in the Underground. It’ll pass. It always has.”

Erwin regarded him silently before nodding curtly. “Take it easy.”

 

\----////----

 

It felt like he was throwing up his entire gut.

Never has he felt so utterly sick, not even during all his years in the not-so-savoury Underground. From cramping muscles to mind-splitting headaches – Levi just felt fucking piss poor around the clock.

This morning he had just hit the fucking jackpot, vomiting into a bucket every hour or so. The harsh light was a menace on his sensitive eyes, so he navigated through the apartment with his eyes squinted shut like a dug-up mole.

It wasn’t that he had forgotten about the due 3DMG training, but he just couldn’t get his fingers to corporate well enough to fixate the many leather straps around his body. In retrospect, it was a miracle that he had managed to draw himself down onto the plaza, without gear but still remotely well-dressed.

He obviously stood out.

There were many hushed whispers as he stumbled his way across the square, soldiers following his feeble form. It wasn’t his nature to show weakness – not showing up for training was never a valid excuse. Yet as he glanced around the place, looking for his training squad, he realised that showing up with sickness oozing out of him wasn’t exactly a show of strength, either.

His senses were all over the place. His nose picked up scents he never really smelt but forewent the most basic scents. Even so, he smelt Mike coming up behind him before the man was even in his ten-metre-radius. Levi stopped dead in his tracks, feeling oddly vulnerable to any alpha affections thrown at him. Somewhere back into his mind, he knew he should be afraid of this sudden turn in his emotions, but right now Levi really didn’t have the energy to protest.

“Levi.” Mike slid over behind him, laying his hands on Levi’s right shoulder. Levi automatically evaded the pressure by slinking onto his knees, the ground weirdly feeling like a soft cushion beneath his sore limbs. “You can’t go into training like this.”

He was faintly aware that Mike was flagging over fellow soldiers, but Levi couldn’t care much. He tilted his hand into the gentle hand onto his shoulder, finding solace in the solid warmth that Mike’s hand held. It was weird, to be obviously giving in to all his long-buried omega instincts.

Faintly, he hopes that it can be excused by saying he’s so weak from being sick.

“Ey, let’s get you back to your room, okay?” Mike was asking him softly, but Levi seriously couldn’t conjure up any response, so he just hummed low beneath his breath, focusing on the calming smell of _alpha alpha alpha_ that Mike was emitting, even though it wasn’t _his_ alpha.

And oh, that was a sudden and intrusive thought, especially since he didn’t even _have_ an alpha.

This sickness was really getting to him. Yet, come to think of it, his headache had tapered off as soon as Mike had been near him. Levi had heard that alpha-omega interactions could soothe the nature of both dynamics, but he had never experienced it so clearly as he had just now.

It was both off-putting as very welcome.

Some soldiers had taken over Mike’s position as Levi’s guards – both alphas. Their combined scents helped calm Levi down, even though they were strangers to Levi’s biology. They escorted him back to his room, aired his chambers, and made sure to send someone up to clean the bathroom and the sheets.

It had been years since someone cared for Levi. That wasn’t because no one had ever offered Levi any help, but that was because Levi had always turned down all offers of help. It was a new experience that he had always abhorred until his deteriorating health forced him along new roads.

This was the first time that he gladly let himself be doted on, but he told himself he was just too weak to successfully protest it.

As soon as he was back on his feet, he’d shrug off all the help offered.

 

\----////----

 

Levi had a problem.

Now that the haze of sickness was gone, Levi realised that he had a _big_ problem: his suppressants weren’t working properly. It was the only explanation for the improper behaviour he has shown over the past days; feeling safe around alphas, feeling obedient, feeling weak when left alone, and feeling prone to _scenting._

The suppressants had always toned down both his scent as scents from surrounding alphas, but as the effects of the drug had worn off, so had his resistance to all the wafting pheromones. Just the sight of an angry alpha was enough to send Levi down to his knees and bare his neck in submission without Levi having any say over his body’s behaviour. The worst part was that he actually _wanted_ to submit to an alpha, at least at that moment. He couldn’t think straight when around any suitable mates.

He was just a weak omega by now.

It was surprising that the surrounding alphas hadn’t smelled anything on him yet, to be honest. As a precautionary method, Levi had holed himself up in his room while he tried to find out what was wrong with his current batch of suppressants for the past days. The answers were downright disappointing.

His dosage and intake were no different from usual and even after three thorough rechecks Levi couldn’t find anything off. Levi had also met up with his Underground dealer to see if he had perhaps sold him the wrong supply, but the man had just sold him his usual deal. This was confirmed when Levi bought a new supply off his hands and felt no difference after starting the new medication.

He was fucked.

Levi knew that he had to get out of his room at one point, as sickness could only be faked for so long. He’d had to fend Erwin off multiple times by now, his omega whining at the clear offer of comfort at the other side of the door. Thankfully, as long as he couldn’t see the alpha, Levi could still rein himself in. Barely.

If Erwin saw him in this state, he’d be able to connect the dots with ease. His long-held cover of ‘boring beta’ would be crushed within seconds and his entire image would change. Levi knew the army was forward-thinking when it came to omegas, but Levi knew better than anyone else that omegas were still viewed as the weak and submissive class. Even with ‘forward-thinking’ he’d be treated like fancy porcelain.

“Levi!” There was a loud series of knocks on his door, signalling the presence of the very enthusiastic Hanji. “Levi~! I brought tea! And cookies!”

Hanji; unbonded beta, skilled commander, veteran, intelligent scientist.

Levi smirked. If anyone would have a solution, it would be them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed~! :>  
> If you have any questions, leave a comment or talk to me on [Tumblr](https://levisrain.tumblr.com/)! :D
> 
> Next update will be a while. The year is wrapping to a close, but it means that I have a lot of work lying in wait for me.  
> I won't have time to do a lot of creative things, let alone write. Hope you guys understand! :D  
> -Saf


	3. Dropping Seeds

“He’s been keeping them from searching your room, you know,” Hanji pointed out while they stared at their tea. “He didn’t want to invade your privacy – he was adamant on that.”

Having nothing to say at that, Levi bowed his head to intently study the cookie that laid on a platter in front of him. He knew damn well that Hanji was talking about Erwin, even though the name hadn’t passed their lips yet. Levi was glad that Erwin hadn’t let anyone in his room because he knew he’d never pass the test. He used to store his suppressants so carefully, hidden behind numerous layers and trinkets – well away from the stray eye. After his suppressant fail he hadn’t been as careful; shoving pills in drawers and in pockets of clothes, hoping that having them near in case of emergencies would at least help a little bit.

His original intentions of letting Hanji in solely to get some answers has more than backfired. Hanji was way too smart to let the conversation be subtly diverted from the mission they had themselves.

A mission that was clearly pressing.

“Levi,” Hanji hissed, frustration seeping through their scent. “Are you blind? He’s been defending you in every single board meeting he has been called to. Without him, you would’ve been kicked out of the corps a long time ago.”

And that _hurt_. It hurt even more considering Erwin shown his support in the past, only for Levi to ignore it. He’d turned his back on most of the support Erwin had offered, taking only the help that he needed. Nothing more. Levi doubted that Hanji could view all the military records, but Levi suspected that even they had been made aware of the current state of Levi’s health and following physique. 

“He should’ve let them,” he muttered softly, shoulders slinking down. “Let them kick me out.”

That was the bottom line, wasn’t it? Levi had only been a burden the last couple of months, defying orders and commands every minute of the day, obeying only when he was weak, sick and miserable. It only ended in tarnished reputations and wounded soldiers. If the board wanted him gone, so be it, but Levi couldn’t stand by and watch idly as he’d unwillingly drag Erwin down in his grave too.

In all honesty, Levi had never cared much about the old men that ruled the court of war in the capital, knowing that his so-called input would have zero effect. He’d be sent off to missions, anyway. Even Erwin can’t defy higher orders.

“No.” Hanji peered over their cup of tea, studying Levi with an intelligent glint in their eyes. “Erwin sees worth in you, Levi, and I trust Erwin’s judge of character more than I trust the board. We’re fighting for you to keep your position, I hope you realise that means that we expect you to do the same.”

Was that a reference to the failing results he had delivered over the past days? A low blow, considering you can’t really give your best when you’re throwing up everything you manage to eat.

“I-I’m ill,” he said bluntly, hoping his red eyes and pale face brought the message across well enough.

Instead, a bubbly laugh rose from Hanji’s lips.

“Maybe,” they said. “But have you ever fought for your position in the army? Have you ever trained for goals other than getting through another day?”

There was a short silence as Levi huffed against the rim of his teacup, watching Hanji refill and immediately down their own. They set the teacup down and glanced around the room, squinting at the moulded mess the petals in the windowsill made.

In that moment, Levi knew Hanji had never believed his illness to be real.

 _Fuck._ He needed to make his move now, otherwise he’d be forever compromised.

“Having goals and ambitions above a man’s worth is bound to bite him in the ass,” Levi deadpanned, standing up to dispose of the moulded poppies quickly, hoping to draw the attention away from the box with faulty suppressants. Hanji didn’t twitch as Levi cleaned the top of the windowsill meticulously, making sure to get the stone surface back to representable levels.

“Having no ambitions is bound to make a man worthless.” There was no malice in their tone, yet the threat underlining the words was clear. “There needs to be a goal to work for in order for a man to feel settled. You’d do well to set a goal for yourself too.”

Hanji took the cups to check if they were emptied before stacking them. As they dragged the plate of cookies to themselves, they looked up at Levi.

“Though I can sense that you’ve got trouble with that, right?” Hanji tapped a thin finger against their lips, acting as if they were deep in thought, even though it was clear to both that Hanji had got their answers lying at the tip of their tongue already. They were just stalling for dramatic effect, nasty bugger. “I’ll set goals for you with Erwin. I’ll be sure to include possible repercussions as well.”

Levi looked up sharply at that, staring Hanji down. Punishment was something solely reserved for alpha/omega behaviour, advertised as something to help keep your omega’s feelings under control, but Levi rather saw it as abuse. To be discussing ‘repercussions’ here, in this environment, with a _beta_ nonetheless – it’s highly improper.

“Punishment is often doled out under unruly soldiers,” Hanji added, probably reading Levi’s face. “It’s up to Erwin to see how harsh he deems it to be needed.”

“Not under _betas_ ,” Levi croaked out, abhorred. Omegas? Yes. Betas? They’re often left with a reprimand and a promise to do better next time.

Hanji just tilted their head, breathing out slowly through their nose. They were choosing their words really wisely.

“You might like to think that everyone is blind and oblivious about you, Levi, but at this point the only one who’s oblivious is you.” Hanji looked deeply into Levi’s eyes. “You’re not ‘ill’. At all. You haven’t coughed once for the duration that I’ve been here, and you’ve held both the tea and the cookies with ease. Surprising, isn’t it?”

There was nothing more annoying than realising that Hanji was right. Ever since they had been in his presence, he hadn’t had a headache pressing behind his eyes. Levi could pretend that it was all thanks to the caffeine in his tea, but both him and Hanji knew better. It had nothing to do with that specific addiction.

The feeling was eerily similar to what he felt when he was surrounded by Mike and his alphas those couple of days ago, yet it lacked the overwhelming sense of safety and submissiveness.

That probably could be explained with Hanji’s beta nature. Omegas always responded less to betas than to alphas.

“We’ve had our suspicions over the past weeks,” Hanji barrelled on, probably trying to cut to the chase as fast as possible. “Especially Erwin. He was so concerned when you were acting so uncharacteristically, his anxiety flying through the roof when you got ill and refused help. Nothing I or Mike tried to tell him placated him. He’s a mess right now, Levi.”

Hanji walked over to Levi, seeing as he was way too stunned to move.

“Levi,” they said, not harshly. “You could’ve just told us you’re an omega.”

 

\----////----

 

With anger coiling so thick that it bounced off the walls, Levi stomped his way over to Erwin’s office. The route, even though he hadn’t taken it that often, had been burned into his memory long ago.

It didn’t take a genius to know that he was causing a ruckus, the heavy scent of an angry omega surprising the stray soldier walking in the bare hallways leading up to the officers’ quarters.  

They knew.

They had known all along, and they hadn’t confronted him. There had been enough opportunities for Erwin to have simply talked to him, yet the commander hadn’t spoken a word. It irked Levi, and he decided that if they wouldn’t confront him, he would confront _them_.

Illness of the past days forgotten, Levi placed his hands on the dark heavy door of Erwin’s quarters, not bothering to knock. The well-oiled door slid open silently, revealing a brightly candle-lit room. Erwin’s desk was placed in the far-right corner, the chair’s back facing the window. The alpha was hunched over some paperwork on his desk but looked up when Levi entered, his face briefly showing a hint of surprise.

“Levi-,” Erwin started, attempting to steer the conversation into his favour.

Levi was having none of that, not anymore.

“Was this the reason?” Levi spat, furiously signalling at his own body. “Was my omega the only reason to keep me enlisted into this shitty corps? To bail me out of those offenses? To console me after those fights? Just so you can soothe your _alpha_ by helping out a distressed omega?”

The words tumbled out of his mouth as the new-found revelations swirled around in his head, drowning him in anger. It would explain why Erwin suddenly took so much interest in him and why he had worked so hard to get a mere underground soldier away from the board’s claws. At first, Levi had suspected that it had to do with alpha pride, but now he knew that there was more behind it, a lot more.

He was just a price to be claimed, a trophy to be won.

Keith Shadis might’ve cleared the way for omegas into the army, but it didn’t directly mean that every enlisted omega was safe. Rape happened. Sexual intimidation happened. Sure, it was ‘illegal’, but seeing how little it took for Levi’s charges to be dropped, he assumed it wouldn’t be too hard to bribe the court to let your little incident slip through their fingers.

Alphas were all the same.

His fingernails dug deep into his palms and he breathed heavily, trying to lift that weird fog off his mind. The days of complete seclusion were catching up on him and he found himself being excessively overwhelmed by Erwin’s alpha scent.

It might also be his omega taking over.

Maybe it was not the wisest decision to barge into an alpha’s office as an angry, non-suppressed omega, but Levi had no choice now other than to live with the consequences. He saw his hands shaking long before he felt the tremble coursing through his entire body and he nervously tried to move away, away from _Erwin_.

Yet he couldn’t move.

“I’m-,” he frantically tried to settle the matter, to show the alpha that his intentions weren’t malicious. Levi couldn’t finish the sentence, because they both knew his intentions _were_ malicious. “I need… to go.”

“Levi.” Erwin’s soft voice travelled over to Levi, consoling him with the one word. The alpha was still seated at his desk, his posture stiff as he tried to come over as non-threatening as possible. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t. It was far from okay, yet the alpha’s words soothed his frenzied omega like no other. _This_ was the reason why he started taking suppressants in the first place, his inability to keep control of his own mind and body.

He was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of running.

Erwin smelled good. Erwin’s room smelt like warmth, safety, and trust. It was the stark contradiction to his rational feelings that put Levi off. He wanted to put faith in Erwin, but every time that he dared to take a step, something happened between them that made Levi falter.

Another violent tremble shot through his body and he sank roughly to his knees, his head hanging limply to the side. It would be so easy for Erwin to take advantage of the poor and weak omega right now that Levi could only hope that Erwin would be better at restraining his instincts than Levi was.

He sensed the alpha before he saw Erwin crouching next to him.

“Levi,” Erwin started for the second time that day, making his movements slow and deliberate to not scare the young soldier. “I haven’t known for that long. I would’ve done the same things had you been a beta.”

There was a long pause as Erwin let the words sink in, sensing Levi’s need for time. The words were swimming through his head and he couldn’t focus, not with Erwin’s overwhelming presence _right_ _next to him_.

“I didn’t help you because you were an omega,” Erwin added softly, as he carded a gentle hand through Levi’s hair, testing the waters. “I did it because you were _you._ ”

Levi sighed deeply as the true meaning of Erwin’s words faintly registered in his brain. He vaguely realised that the alpha’s presence was the only reason why it all sounded so plausible, but at this point he couldn’t be bothered to oppose it.

For a little while, he told himself.

As the hand slowly slid down to the nape of his neck, massaging the sensitive skin, he gave in.

 

\----////----

 

His suppressants are faulty.

It was the only plausible explanation for his sudden turn in behaviour. Well past midnight, Levi found himself sitting in his chair, wide-awake, thinking about his predicament. It was clear to him that his Underground suppressants had stopped working on his body and in turn his omega had reared its head.

He had never let his body be accustomed to his inner omega, continuously having it kept on lockdown with the suppressants. Levi had always made sure to take the right amount at the right time and they had always worked reliably. Until they didn’t. How long would it take before the effects became serious?

Omegas had heats, yet Levi had never experienced one.

It wasn’t only the heats that he wasn’t used to. The new and docile behaviour that he showed when around higher-ranking soldiers (which, honestly, was nearly everyone right now) was something that Levi had never felt before. He was losing his own characteristics, and to what? His biology. Something that he never wanted yet got stuck with regardless.

He didn’t know he was clenching his fist until his nails left deep red indents in his palm. This was something that he could never fix on his own, and he knew it, but there were a few options for Levi at this point.

He wanted none of them.

Most of them boiled down to getting his hands on the official military-grade suppressants as they were stronger, well-tested, and used by all omegas in the corps. There was one big hurdle for that, though: Levi had to enlist himself as an omega, meaning that it was expected of him to _openly_ admit that he had been fooling the system for as long as he had been part of it.

It would force him to admit to committing a crime, and in light of his not-so-great relationship with the board, Levi doubted that would go down well. Death would be the most probable course of events. Burrowing deeper in how his chair to make himself smaller, Levi pondered his situation.

There were few things that Levi feared and death was not one of them. No, Levi realised that he feared losing himself the most and with that realisation came a bigger revelation: he had started losing himself right after Furlan and Isabel died.

Shrugging his ragged blanket off him, he rolled out of his chair and padded over to the door. He had places to be.

 

\----////----

 

Hanji’s research chamber was located on the far side of the premises, built into one of the outer walls of the military base. The location seemed out of place at first glance but made sense for anyone spending more than a few hours on the grounds, the loud crash of an experiment gone wrong (or right, depending on the point of view) resounding across the field. Hanji was a scientist, and, arguably, a fairly good one at that, even if no-one except themselves seemed to understand what they were doing.

Over the course of their position in the corps, Hanji had been researching non-stop. Many of the experiments failed but some succeeded, earning new and innovative insights that the executive officers could use in their strategical plans.

Levi hated strategical plans.

Even so, Levi understood and acknowledged strengths and talents when he saw them. As far as Levi had experienced, Hanji was to be trusted to keep secrets – to a certain extent. His request would undoubtedly be swept under the rug towards the board, but Levi knew that Erwin would be notified of it. Unofficially, in the Hanji way.

The road leading up to their door was dark, but Levi treaded the cobblestones with ease. The years in the dark and slippery Underground had made him lean and athletic, capable of seeing when there was nothing to see. A sixth sense in a way, one that he blindly trusted in times like these.

Not surprisingly, Hanji seemed to be awake at this ungodly hour. A soft, nearly unperceivable light shone out from under the door and, coming closer, Levi could hear some quiet ramblings inside. They probably had been experimenting and never bothered to check the time.

Levi understood, if only a little. Sleep didn’t come as easily to some.

Without knocking, he turned the unlocked doorknob and stepped inside, carefully glancing around the room to find the scientist hunched over a massive table, papers spread out before them. Hanji didn’t notice him, not even when he silently shuffled closer, curious to see what they were so entranced about.

They only noticed him when he stepped in front of the table, his small body blocking the only source of light that shone on the table and its papers.

“Oh!” Hanji exclaimed, not seeming surprised by his presence in the slightest. “Good that you’re here! This equation is not working me any favours, I need something that connects this result to the other but all previously researched items don’t seem to fit…”

“Hanji.” Levi was no scientist and he was sure they knew, but they were just talking to themselves, too deep in thought to be able to divert their attention from it. “I need help.”

“Levi!” At that, they seem to snap out of it, face turning serious within seconds. It would have been scary if Levi didn’t know Hanji any better. They straightened up from the table, glancing around the room. “Is it as late as I think it is?”

“The morning sun will rise in an hour or three.”

“Pity,” Hanji said, biting their lip. Levi didn’t find it so much of a pity – every night that he survived was a night of cold sweat and bad memories less. “What are you doing here?”

“Surviving.”

 

\----////----

 

It had been a few days since his nightly visit to Hanji, where he dropped off a set of his (very illegal) Underground suppressants for them to research. Levi wanted to know what had suddenly caused this biological change within his body, seeing that neither the suppressants nor his intake had changed. Hanji hadn’t been able to give him an answer right away. They first wanted to dive into the components and ingredients (or lack thereof) before they’d decide on a possible cause.

Until then, Levi was left to his own devices.

Without any brakes on his biology, Levi was afraid to publicly show himself. Just like the past weeks, he’d been holing himself up in his room, but this time his absence had been officially granted. Erwin had graciously given him an undetermined time off, supposedly to heal from whatever sickness he’d gotten. It was obviously meant as a cover for his indescribable a-social behaviour. Levi wasn’t stupid, though. He knew that some soldiers had already guessed the cause, through common sense or not, and word had unquestionably spread amongst them.

There was a difference between knowing that others were aware and openly outing yourself, though. Particularly if you didn’t truly know how to put a hold on your own emotions and behaviour.

That was proving to become a bigger problem than Levi had originally foreseen. Ever since that night with Erwin, where he had stupidly let himself become weak and pliant, he’d been avoiding his commander with all his might. He simply couldn’t trust himself around the alpha. For as far as Levi was aware, Erwin hadn’t done anything other than hold and console him, but he was a man bound to biology, too. Levi knew how that worked.

Alphas take and take without ever giving back.

It was one of the few lessons that ever stuck with him as a kid, and damn him if he let himself forget it purely because of a stupid shift in medication. He could get by just finely on his own, and he definitely did not need an alpha to help him navigate in the big world. What happened with Erwin that night was a one-time slip, only. Nothing more, and he was adamant on letting Erwin know that.

There was a knock on the door, a sturdy, confident rapping that Levi had come to recognise as Mike’s. He was not in the mood for his company, not at all. Unsurprisingly, his headaches and general sickness had been acting up as soon as he distanced himself from any type of dominant figures for a longer duration. It was the suppressants, Levi knew. _Something_ in them made him sick like this, and he wasn’t buying it.

Of course Levi knew it would work out badly for him if he’d let this drag on for too long, just like it had eventually floored him those weeks ago, but he was hellbent that this time would be different. As soon as Hanji discovered the cause and inevitably found a solution, he’d be back to how it was, with stronger suppressants that actually worked.

He’d just had to sit it out until then.

“Levi.” It was a clear command, a tone that Levi was used to in military environments, but not here, in the safety of his own room. “Open the door.”

“No.” To his credit, it came out stronger than he currently felt. Mike had _no_ reason to invade his privacy like this, especially not commanding him to do things in informal atmospheres. Levi was not going to give in to his requests like a good dog listening to its master’s orders.

“I-I didn’t mean to command you,” Mike sighed out, softer than earlier. Levi doubted his true intentions. The closed door didn’t stop Mike from relaying the message, though. “We’re having an exploring field day tomorrow. You’re invited.”

At this, Levi paused. If Mike was insinuating what Levi thought he was insinuating, then Levi just got invited to a big, high-ranked trip into the woods, something that a mere soldier like Levi should never be dragged along to. It could only mean one thing.

“Erwin wants me there, doesn’t he?”

“Look, Levi,” Mike sighed, even more helpless than before. “Erwin explicitly asked me not to talk to you because he knew you’d react like this. I’m convinced that you both could do with some time out into the open air, and this is the perfect opportunity. You’re free to refuse, but please consider the offer.”

Mumbling his consent, he fretfully waited until he heard Mike’s footsteps fade away into the back of the open hall. Levi glanced over to his windowsill, one that has been void of any poppies for way too long. It could use with some more decoration, even if it was only temporarily.

If anything, he could at least saddle up his mare and see how he felt about it tomorrow.

 

\----////----

 

The poppies were just out of full bloom.

It was only then that true realisation dawned on Levi. The last time that he’d visited this field, the poppies had been on the cusp of full bloom with their flowerheads ready to pop, petals already unfurling. Now, the field was a soft combination of greens and yellows; wilted stems bleached by the summer sun, red petals long gone.

This was the first year that Levi missed the period of full bloom, the first time that he hadn’t been able to spend his free time amongst the flowers he cared so much about. And for what? For his stupid biology, a biology that had kept him chained to his chamber, confined to his own misery.

Levi glanced over the great expanse of the fields, longingly looking for a sole surviving flower, a late bloomer. Amidst a bush of thorns he found one, stem held by the strong and unforgiving plant, providing a solid base for the flower to lean on.

Without requesting a break from the group, Levi steered his mare off the road, angling her towards the small poppy. He was happy to be away from the other soldiers for a bit. The group consisted of mostly alphas with a stray beta and the scents were overwhelming for his newly resurfaced omegan biology.

Easing his black mare into a walk, he softly muttered the command for halt and waited for the horse’s steps to slow down before he swung his leg over the saddle and slid off. The poppy was waiting, prideful beauty carefully held alive by the confining thorns. They might have kept the flower safe, but they also kept it reined in, freedom taken away.

Levi heard the sound of a horse approaching, soon followed by a command to stop the whole group. He didn’t look up, uncaring about those proceedings.

“Everything okay?”

Choosing to ignore Erwin, Levi crept closer to the poppy, mindful of the other plants’ leaves and stems. They’d probably recover if Levi accidentally stepped on them, but to Levi it felt like disrespect, like stepping on the bodies of fallen men. You simply didn’t do that.

Levi wanted the poppy. Levi wanted to pick the poppy, take it home, and give it a place on his windowsill. This poppy will probably the season’s last, meaning that Levi would have to wait for an entire year before they were back in bloom.

It was a bitter thing to think about.

In order to pick the poppy, Levi moved to kneel down, but a sudden spike of pain coursed through his head. The headaches were back. When he’d given Hanji the last batch of his suppressants, they’d told him to try and minimise the intake because they weren’t sure what had caused all the problems in the first place.

It was like he revisited the hell he’d gone through. When not around more domineering biologies, like alphas and betas, Levi could feel the tell-tale signs of sickness creeping in, not unlike what he had experienced before. He’d spend the day feeling miserable, a headache pounding in his head and nausea overtaking every few minutes. The solution was simple: surround himself with alphas, preferably gentle ones. It would mean, however, that his omega was bare, out in the open, vulnerable to any kind of contact.

Levi despised it, despised the position he was forced to be in.

A position that he found himself in, yet again. The morning had started a little roughly, seeing that Levi hadn’t seen an alpha (aside from Mike’s speed visit the day before) in over a few days. The general dizziness overruled his night and morning, keeping him from getting a proper amount of sleep, but that wasn’t something Levi wasn’t used to. As soon as he met up with the small expedition club on the plaza in front of the stables, Levi’s inner omega soothed out, letting go of the lingering aches.

Now that he’d chosen to separate himself from the group, to simply pick a flower no less, his weak body was struggling, annoyingly telling him _not_ to separate from the safe and comforting presence of the alphas.

He didn’t notice he’d fallen to his knees with his eyes closed, struggling to breathe, until he really couldn’t get any air anymore. His head swam, woozy with the lack of air. It felt like that one time where a thug got the better of him, surprising him in the middle of the night with a hand wrapped tightly around his throat, trying to kill him. Moments later, the thug spent his last breaths on the floor, raspy through the blood streaming from his neck wound where Levi had imbedded his knife.

Here, amongst the poppies, it almost felt serene, like a good way to go.

If not for the persistent hand on his shoulder, squeezing and shaking him as if anyone had the right to do that, as if anyone had the right to touch Levi without his express permission. Faintly, he felt himself being moved and shifted and miraculously enough, the aches all minimised a little, fading out to a dull throb, more content than upset. He just hummed, letting himself bask in the weird but welcome feeling of safety.  

The pinch to his side came like a wild shock, jostling him out of his headspace and briefly bringing him back to reality.

“Open your eyes, come on.” An order floated over, one that Levi recognised as an _alpha’s_ , feeling the sense of obedient acceptance that flowed over him thanks to it. “Levi, please.”

Did he sound desperate? What was it with desperate alphas and their constant nagging and pleading nowadays?

Well, it weren’t exactly the _alphas_ , as it was just one and it was Erwin. The commander constantly asked, requested, went to his knees for him, ordering but not _really_ , treating Levi like a doll he needed to keep safe and alive.

Levi wasn’t a doll.

“What happened?”

Another alpha. Levi knew him, too.

He didn’t like him.

“I don’t know, he veered away and just…” A pause fell as Erwin seemed to be lost in thought, stringing the words together. “Just collapsed.”

Arms caged around Levi and briefly tightened their hold, dragging him even closer to Erwin’s chest. Levi couldn’t decide whether he liked that feeling of security or hated the feeling of restraint.

“We shouldn’t have taken him along, Mike,” Erwin said, and oh _yeah_ , that was the name of the douchebag. “He wasn’t ready for this.”

“He’s not a flower, Erwin.” Wait, that sounded really intelligent, actually. Maybe Levi had to rethink his point of view on this guy. “If he decided himself fit enough to go, he’s fit enough. Though I must say, that sweet and ripe smell of his is riling me up, a lot.”

At this, Levi sobered up a bit. He had noticed. Not only Levi was affected by the new and intrusive effects of his newly outed biology, but also the other members of the team, especially alphas. He guessed it had to do with the subtle (or not so subtle) change his scent had undergone, making him smell more alluring to others.

Like everything, he hated it.

He hated that there was a pull towards him and alphas, as if the only right mixture for a healthy and fitting relationship were compatible biologies.

“-go.” Both alphas turned their full attention back to Levi, who was struggling to form the words. “Let me go.”

The arms suddenly fell away from his body like Erwin had burned himself on Levi’s skin. If the movement suddenly took away the feeling of security and warmth, then Levi was probably just imagining it.

Surely imaging it.

He was fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the wait, guys! hope you liked chapter 3!
> 
> and thank you for all the love this story has gotten, it's really nice to see how much it's being appreciated! :>
> 
> -Saf


	4. Finding Soil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some tags finally come into play!   
> i also added new tags for this chapter, not too many. there will be smut in this chapter but be aware: both of the characters have drank alcohol. they're not drunk but obviously not entirely sober, either. if this peeves you, do not read the second to last scene (comes right after erwin dropped hanji off)! 
> 
> have fun~

The thing that confused Levi the most was the fact that his omega was acting so weird around Erwin, weirder than around any other alphas or betas.

When Levi had been off the suppressants, he had avoided contact with any alphas until that day out in the fields, where he’d stupidly enough gone on an expedition with Erwin and his soldiers. After his fiasco with the poppy and Erwin’s _backhug_ , Levi had gotten up and carefully retracted the flower from the thorn bush, storing it inside the saddlebags for the long way home.

The once proud poppy had wilted on his windowsill again, despite Levi’s gentle care. Levi knew it was inevitable, but it was still hard to stomach sometimes, to see something that wonderful go to waste so quickly. He supposed he was like a poppy. Someone who used to be beautiful and bright but taken without their consent and ended up wilted beyond measure.

There was nothing he could do about it, though, especially not when Erwin was so dead-set on keeping him around in the corps. Honestly, it made Levi moody and grumpy to see that the commander was obviously spending more energy and time on him, the hopeless and weak omega that had been spinning more than one lie.

Levi still didn’t understand Erwin’s reasoning behind everything, but he had to admit that the alpha had never done anything to give Levi a motive to be distrustful. So far, the only thing that the commander had done was to console Levi when he needed it, standing by his side and providing the support that Levi didn’t have the guts to simply ask for.

Maybe it was dumb, but he trusted Erwin enough to know that he would never take advantage of him, and that trust translated into a feeling of safety. His omega was happy and sated whenever he was around Erwin, especially when Levi let himself initiate physical contact with the alpha.

Besides, Levi felt incredibly bad and sick when he was away from alphas or betas for a longer duration of time, and while he didn’t have the balls to ask for companionship from other people whom he didn’t know and also didn’t trust, Erwin never seemed to mind when Levi wordlessly entered his study and sought out his company.

It was weird and it was something that Levi refused to dwell on for too long, afraid that people would start to think less of him. He wasn’t weak, he just appreciated being near Erwin because he knew that the pros were far outweighing the cons.

With that thought in mind, he’d gone over to Erwin’s office again, his small ragged blanket clutched tightly in his hands. He knocked on the door, lightly as not to disturb or scare the alpha, and waited for the soft ‘come in’ that signalled his admitted entry. Levi gently pushed the door open and met the alpha’s gaze over the piles of paperwork that littered his desk. The man seriously had too much work to be considered healthy.

“Hey, Levi,” he said softly, scooting his chair aside a bit. “Do you want to sleep or just sit around?”

That was new. Erwin had never asked him anything before, just waited for Levi to make his own decision and accommodate to that accordingly. His bewilderment must have shown on his face because the alpha just laughed fondly.

“No stress! I just figured that you’d be a little more comfortable when you had a few more blankets, so I have had them brought over.” He nodded to a pile of _utterly_ soft looking fabrics in the corner. “They’re yours to do with as you please.”

Levi knew that taking, arranging and nuzzling blankets was a total omegan thing to do, and it even had a term: nesting. He was glad that Erwin didn’t _name_ it, though, showing that he respected Levi’s behaviour without immediately linking it to some kind of biological need.

While Levi hadn’t come over to Erwin’s with the intention to sleep, he actually felt the tell-tale sign of sleep pulling at his eyes and the fabrics looked way too comfortable to be passed up on, so Levi made a spur of the moment decision and decided to indeed sleep a bit. He hadn’t been sleeping that greatly the past nights, anyway.

Erwin had probably noticed.

Shrugging that thought off his shoulders, he padded over to the corner and inspected the fabrics, carefully rubbing them between his fingers and cursorily sniffing some. Not all of the blankets passed his inspection but the majority did and it left him surprised, as he knew he was picky about the type of material and the softness. Erwin must have known his tastes, if only a little, and it made Levi feel proud.  

As it was midday, the sun was still high in the sky, and since Levi always appreciated dozing in the sun, he chose the only place where the sun was shining on the floor and warming the wooden planks. He didn’t notice it was virtually right next to Erwin’s desk until he had dropped all his fabrics there and was nuzzling in, startling a bit at the sight of the alpha’s boots right next to his face. He briefly debated moving but decided against it once he realised the repercussions of it, knowing that he’ll have to rebuild his entire nest if he would.

Besides, Erwin wouldn’t mind.

With that consolidation in mind, Levi curled up in his blankets and promptly fell asleep, basking in the warm sun.

 

\----////----

 

Even in the best of times, Levi had troubles starting a conversation. Especially in this moment it seemed like an impossible thing to do, considering that he was going to breach a subject that he himself wasn’t too sure on, with an alpha that he trusted yet still not understood.

But he also knew that this had to happen, and Erwin wouldn’t start the conversation on his own, so it was on Levi’s shoulders.

He heaved a heavy sigh in resignation, filling the empty space around him. He was in Erwin’s office, like he had been for the greatest part of the last days. Unlike his own room, Erwin’s office gave him a sense of warmth and safety, something that made him feel at home and made him feel comfortable. It translated into a steadier sleeping pattern – if he felt unsafe, he slept bad. Ever since living in the Underground, Levi hadn’t slept well.

He’d slept soundly for three consecutive nights in Erwin’s office.

Although he admitted that he had been a bit dense the past weeks, he knew he wasn’t that oblivious to think that there wasn’t some deeper reason behind this all: his omega had chosen its alpha. It was scary and honestly Levi wasn’t ready to accept that part of his biological brain just yet – he wanted to figure out if it was a genuine emotion, first.

Even with all the evidence, Levi was still afraid that the attachment he felt was due to the simple show of kindness that Erwin had been giving him ever since he snapped at that one fateful training and ended up in the infirmary. In all those years, nobody had been as patiently kind and gentle to him as Erwin had been, even when Levi fucked up time and time again.

The only one who’d ever shown that love had been his mum, but she was dead.

It was simple, really. Levi just wanted to ask Erwin some questions, just to see what he thought and felt. If this was something he did for every omega, for everyone who was fucked over by life.

Deep down, he knew that wasn’t the case. It didn’t stop the fear and unrest niggling at his conscience, though. What if the alpha rejected him after this? What if he was truly kicked from the corps for having an unrequited affair with a superior?  

He knew he’d survive – he had always had, after all – but the prospect of it scared him, especially because he could just never mention it and keep whatever relationship they had so carefully built around them. It would be running away from his problems, though, keeping up a pretence that he had no right to and hogging and claiming an alpha in the process.

The thing that finalised Levi’s choice was the thought of Erwin with a partner, someone who _wasn’t_ him. It had made him so upset that he’d growled into the room, furious at a non-existent person. Erwin simply deserved better.

And so he curled up in Erwin’s chair, the biggest and most ornamented one that was placed behind the alpha’s desk. He knew this could be seen as a challenge because the chair was the alpha’s possession, a piece of furniture that only he had ever sat in and something that established his superior position during meetings. Levi wanted to see if Erwin remained cool about this small but thought-through claim.

He didn’t have to wait long.

The door opened slightly to reveal Erwin, who looked tired beyond measure but never once showing it in his posture, shoulders still held back regally and proudly. Glaring over the edge of his gifted blankets, Levi keenly watched the alpha register his presence.

“Hey, Levi,” he said when he noticed him, nostrils flaring slightly. “Everything alright?”

It was then that he realised that he had been flitting through so many emotions while he was waiting for the alpha that they’d polluted the air within the room, the many scents mixing together in an unfamiliar fashion. Erwin was probably trying to figure out what was going on, unsuccessful in scenting the air.

“I wanted to speak to you,” Levi cut to the chase, deciding that it would be the fastest and best way to explain whatever he was ‘feeling’ right now.

Erwin glanced over at him but nodded firmly, eyes momentarily roaming over the edges of the blankets that Levi’s hands held curled around his body. He walked over to the desk and sat down on the edge, leaving Levi’s miniature nest undisturbed and Levi felt a soft, happy sigh leave his lips.

These new and undiscovered omegan instincts were interesting, indeed.

“I’m listening.”

And he was, Erwin truly was, Levi knew, but the words consoled Levi regardless. From what he had learnt, Erwin would always listen to what Levi would have to say, even if it was on a topic that he didn’t directly agree on. Levi appreciated that part of Erwin.

“I only feel safe when around you,” he forced out, softly but steadily. He’d thought the line through long before going to the office, trying the different words out and weighing them with others but ultimately deciding that these were the ones that conveyed his emotions the most; simple but undeniably to the point.

He said nothing after that and let the silence fill the room, in hopes that Erwin would respond, would ask a question or prompt Levi further because he didn’t _know_ how to else continue this, how to voice his emotions.

Eventually, nerves got the better of him. “When I am around you, I feel… happy? Maybe not happy. Content.”

It was clear that he was struggling now, stumbling over his words, and Levi felt a pressing urge to hide his nose (preferably his entire face) in the blankets just to hide from the alpha’s seeking gaze, but he ignored it in favour of staying in control, to at least _look_ unaffected. His hands trembled. Levi wondered if his body did too.

“But it’s, like, not around other alphas… Mike is fine but not like _you_ and I don’t–”

“Hey, shh,” Erwin finally cut in, stopping Levi’s ramblings short.

“Are you feeling the same?” Levi questioned then, asking that what he’d been burning to ask for the past week. “Is it just me?”

He felt insecure, more insecure than he had ever felt in his life. It was something that just didn’t happen to Levi – the overly confident, snarky lone wolf, someone who didn’t doubt their decisions and who was seemingly unaffected by emotions. Until Erwin came.

“It’s not just you.” Erwin moved forward, picked Levi up and sat back down in his chair, placing the omega in his lap, blankets still wrapped around him. Levi finally snuggled in and settled down, pleased with the warmth and comfort that surrounded him. Some light and airy scent filled the room and it took Levi an embarrassingly long moment to realise it was because Erwin was _happy._ “I thought you’d never give yourself over to me.”

“Who says I have?” Levi joked, words mumbled through the fabrics and nearly inaudible, but mirth clear in his tone. He had, and they both knew.

Erwin laughed silently, a soft rumble that pleased Levi to no end, his eyes fluttering closed. It stayed silent after that, them both sharing the chair without saying anything, just basking in afterglow of their recent confessions. 

A long time passed until Erwin sighed deeply, suddenly a lot sadder than before. “I doubted you wanted me.”

 

\----////----

 

“Levi?” Hanji frantically questioned right after they’d barged through the door. “Have you stopped taking those old suppressants? Like, really? Right away?”

Surprised by their sudden anxious approach, Levi lightly recoiled, blinking a few times.

“Yes?”

“Mmhm, good, good,” Hanji murmured, obvious relief coursing through their body and mind. “It’s good that I took you off those old suppressants.”

“How so?” Erwin prompted before Levi had had any chance to open his mouth. Smooth fucker.

“Somehow someone had added opium. It’s a strong ingredient, subtracted from the papaver somniferum – better known as the poppy – and often used in painkillers. Morphine.” Hanji paused there, looking at a loss of words, something that was not very common for them. “Opium can do great things, if used correctly and infrequently.”

Obviously, suppressants are the opposite of infrequent use. Levi’s eyes hardened, mind spinning to try and get to the bottom of this piece of information.

“Morphine is effective but easily causes addictions, coaxing the body into thinking that it _needs_ more, even though it doesn’t. The dosage in each suppressant was low, thankfully, low enough to give you an ache but not a need. Still, it’s very good that you managed to steer clear of them.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Erwin asked, posture still stiff, as if he was poised for attack.

“It’s the root of his problem,” Hanji said, nodding at Levi, eyes lingering on his scent glands. “Due to the prolonged exposure to the drugs, his body has become immune to them, I think. They simply started working less and less until they didn’t work at all. That’s what happened, Levi. It wasn’t your fault.”

A suppressant failure. A fucking flaw in his suppressants exposed him in front of the whole corps, including the superiors. No matter what he had done, his true biology would have come to life regardless. If he had known about the opium in his suppressants, his only option would have been to, may it be illegally, get a hold of the legal corps suppressants, but how would he do that without getting noticed?

Whatever he had done, he would have been exposed as an omega anyway.

He could smell the anger on him before he’d processed the emotion himself, surprised by his violent response to just a bit of news, something that should have put him at ease but instead made him furious. He felt conflicted, knowing that it was in his personality to be a little more aggressive than normal people, especially more aggressive than normal omegas, but he also knew these people around him didn’t deserve his stormy behaviour.

If anything, they deserved his thanks. They had been nothing but helpful and protective of him even when they didn’t know what the matter was or when they _knew_ about Levi’s secret. He had to admit that he’d judged their characters too fast and too harshly, unjustly painting them as indifferent and cold beings while they were anything but.

Apparently Erwin took his momentary emotional turmoil as a sign for him to jump in, drawing Levi closer to him and making sure that they were touching at least a little bit, knowing that it commonly calmed Levi down. It felt good.

“Th’nkyou,” Levi quickly murmured, afraid to voice his thoughts because he knew he’d be openly showing his vulnerability with them.

Erwin seemed to catch on, as he nuzzled into Levi’s hair, softly blowing at some tufts of hair. The alpha sounded extremely content, unfazed by Levi’s emotional volatility. “You’re welcome, petal.”

 _Oh_.

 

\----////----

 

Levi was at a bar. Drinking alcohol. With people.

Three months ago, he would have laughed at anyone who’d even insinuate that he would ever find himself in such a position, but here he was, sat on a barstool between Mike and Erwin (closer to Erwin than Mike), not-so-carefully sipping his drink. And he was having fun, as much fun as he could have with people, honestly.

He had never felt safe enough to lower his guard in whatever way, and that included drinking alcohol. Levi simply didn’t do it, also not when others around him seemed to prefer it as a destressing method – something that Levi could very much use, of course. There just was always something that had held him back, and that something was the danger of becoming so intoxicated that your mind and body weren’t properly aligned anymore. That was enough to get yourself killed in the Underground.

When he came to the corps, he simply kept on doing the same thing, afraid to even mingle with the soldiers. He didn’t want to be talked to or be talked about, so he avoided the days out as much as he could, cleaning his leather or training his skills.

Nobody ever bothered asking him to come along.

Until Mike (why was it always Mike?) had come at his door to invite him for a night out with them. Levi had had half a mind to cook up an excuse and refuse, but when Mike had looked him over and told him it was okay if he didn’t want to come, pride got the better of him.

And so he found himself in a bar that same night, trying to keep up with the amount of ale the others, mainly Hanji, seemed to inhale like water.

“They have a heart!” Hanji insisted, after Mike had probably tried to tell them that titans had no heart at which Levi had grumbled an agreement. “Somewhere.”

“Yes, somewhere, and it’s ‘nowhere’ for us, Hanji.”

The beta woman who sat next to Mike, Nanaba, rubbed his back comfortingly, a little _too_ comfortingly for Levi’s tastes. “Heart or not, we need to kill them anyway. Best if we don’t think about their emotions.”

Levi took a long swig of his ale, trying not to dwell too long on the fact that he had never cared about anyone’s emotions, just killing what needed to be killed. He had never had any morals, unlike these people around him who used their strengths and powers to kill and keep mankind safe.

Levi wondered if mankind deserved to be kept safe, especially if such good people put their lives on the line to save the incapable and immoral people that Levi had come to know during his time in the Underground.

His nails dug into his palms in the way that he had come to realise he does when he’s nervous and overwhelmed. Sometimes the sharp bite of pain managed to drag him back to his senses and put him right back into the current moment. It didn’t today.

Erwin’s hand slipped from the low dip in his back to the side of Levi’s shoulder and gently canted him into his embrace, alcohol making him a little more assertive than usual. Levi let him, slowly breathing in the alpha’s scent while Erwin stroked his shoulder comfortingly. He carefully nosed the alpha’s neck, trying to find the place that had the strongest scent, finally finding it in the juncture between jaw, neck, and ear.

Levi’s hands dropped into his lap, relaxed.

“Another round!” Hanji stated loudly, clapping their hands together as they stood up to refill the glasses, uncaring of how much they’d spooked the other people at their table, all except Erwin. An amused smile tugged at Levi’s lips as he figured Erwin was just used to them being so extremely enthusiastic.

Hanji handed all of them their refilled glasses and rambled off into another spiel of one of their experiments, easily filling the silence that the others let fall. It never felt too much or overwhelming, simply just a good background ambience that the others were seemingly more than used to. Hanji didn’t mind talking without people listening, and carried on without pause. It did Levi’s nerves good, as it took the pressure of having to talk or interact off his shoulders. He could just snuggle, listen with half an ear, and sip his drink, keenly watching the people around him.

Mike, Nanaba, and Hanji: that was the club of friends that Erwin surrounded himself with. They’d all been on their fair share of expeditions, had seen enough blood and grime for a lifetime, and had long since lost their innocent and naïve mindset. Levi often didn’t do well with people, especially not when roped into conversations, but they all seemed to realise and accept this, not asking personal questions or pressing on in a subject he didn’t feel comfortable with. He’d have to give Erwin more credit for selecting his friends like this, for finding people that even Levi could find a small amount of comfort in.

He closed his eyes and breathed Erwin’s scent in deeper, relishing in the soft and carefree emotions that bubbled up within him in an immediate response. Some old part of his brain still tried to tell him to get off and to regain personal space again, but it felt insignificant when compared to the safety and warmth that Erwin so openly provided. A soft rumbling sound sounded up from within him, bubbling past his lips until his closed them abruptly, startled by how suddenly and involuntarily it came up.

His eyes snapped open, embarrassed but mostly surprised at this unknown response. He didn’t even _know_ he was physically capable of making sounds like those, and he’d be lying if he wasn’t put off by it.

“Don’t overthink it, Levi,” Erwin murmured in his ear, a slightly amused scent flooding Levi’s nose. “It’s good to hear your purrs.”

Hear what? His _purrs_?

“ _Don’t_ overthink it,” the alpha reiterated as his finger dragged softly over Levi’s nose, placating him. “It just means you feel safe and content.”

Oh.

He needed more alcohol.

 

\----////----

 

The night had gone on for a long time more, all of them drinking more than probably considered wise, seeing that all except Levi were expected back to work tomorrow.

While Erwin had silently made sure that Levi didn’t get drunk, Hanji hadn’t gotten the same treatment. He’d let them take drink after drink, silently watching over them but never interfering when they chose to grab another.

It was sweet, honestly.

It was getting late, however, too late to be considered evening, and Levi was starting to sense that Erwin wanted to call it a night. Mike and Nanaba had retired half an hour ago, clung suspiciously close to each other when they had headed outside. It wouldn’t surprise Levi if they shared a bed tonight.

“Hanji, it’s late,” Erwin smoothly interrupted one of their ramblings. “Time to head back, yeah?”

It’d be a whole struggle to get them back to their secluded house, but Erwin didn’t seem worried as he stood up, wordlessly lifting Levi along with him.

“Can you stand, mmm?” He asked while keeping eye contact. When Levi nodded his affirmation, the alpha squeezed his shoulder once in approval. “That’s good.”

Erwin smoothly walked over to Hanji, who was lolling in their seat. The stark contrast between the two was almost funny and Levi felt a small smile pass his lips at the sight of them together.

“Let’s go,” Erwin said as he tugged their arm over his shoulder, leading the way back to their shed.

It was dark but Erwin seemed to have no problem navigating over the poorly lit plazas, practically dragging Hanji back to their home. Levi hobbled behind them, suddenly taking in a lot more details and interesting bits and pieces than what he usually saw. Maybe being tipsy wasn’t all that bad.

He finally understood why those people in the Underground drowned themselves in alcohol so often – if it felt this good to be carefree and amazed by the simplest things, then why shouldn’t you keep it for as long as possible?

They’d arrived at the front of Hanji’s shed. Erwin leant them against the wall as he dug into a pocket to find a key, unlocking the door and leading the beta inside while Levi waited outside to stand guard, fighter’s instincts coming back slightly.

They were soon squashed down when Erwin walked back out, this time without a drunk beta hanging off his arm. He closed the door and looked over at Levi, keeping an appropriate distance between them.

After this night, that distance felt a bit too inappropriate.

Levi firmly stepped forward and pressed his body against the alpha’s, arms curling around his waist and humming softly into his skin as Erwin laughed fondly.

“I wanted to ask if you were okay with coming to my room tonight,” Erwin followed up, rumbling down into Levi’s hair. “But I think it’ll be a harder task to get you go to your own room than mine, by now.”

Erwin laughed even harder when in leu of an answer, Levi simply purred softly.

They were _so_ whipped.

 

\----////----

 

They stumbled through the study, messily ending up in Erwin’s bedroom. Levi had never been here, never strayed further than the study slash office that was placed in front of the alpha’s sleeping quarters.

To be discovering it now, when he was already so pumped up by the combination of alcohol and _Erwin’s scent ohmigod_ – it was an overwhelming thing. Just like in his study, Erwin’s scent hung everywhere, but here it was deeper, headier, almost. This was the place where the alpha slept and therefore also the place where he probably spent his ruts.

The thought of Erwin on the bed, on all fours and rutting a pillow, made Levi keen so loudly he surprised himself, quickly replacing it with a small growl. Erwin laughed loudly at that, smiling sheepishly at Levi as he placed his hands on Levi’s waist and pulled him close, plastered to the alpha’s chest.

“Are you still okay with this, baby?”

Levi growled harder, nipping the alpha’s collarbone roughly, hands pawing at his messy-but-so-handsomely tucked in shirt. If he was going to ask that one more time–

“I know,” Erwin said, carding his fingers through Levi’s hair to pull him off his skin. “But I need words.”

Levi twisted his body around, slipping from the alpha’s loose embrace, and roughly pushed at Erwin’s shoulders, trying to taunt him into action. “Fuck me.”

Back against the wall, Erwin huffed a laugh, lips turning into a slight grin. “Feisty.”

“You know me.”

Despite this already moving so fast, Levi wanted it to move _faster_ , clinging around Erwin with all his might, roughly scraping his nails over the alpha’s clothed back while he mouthed the man’s neck, sloppily licking and nibbling the skin – not _yet_ biting, but something that insinuated it, hoping to drive the alpha crazy.

“Not here,” Erwin grumbled, placing his hands on Levi’s ass, who pressed back into them, moaning brokenly. The moan stopped abruptly when Erwin suddenly let his hands fall lower and effortlessly lifted him up in the air by his thighs, angling back towards the bed. The alpha placed him ever so carefully on the sheets, leaving him alone for a short while to pull off his shirt, but Levi was having none of it, scrambling forward just to keep a small amount of contact with Erwin, totally submitting to his omega’s neediness.

“It’s alright, petal,” Erwin consoled quickly, rapidly kicking off his already unlaced boots, unaware of the rough tremble that coursed through Levi at sound of the befitting nickname he’d chosen for the omega.

Blearily, Levi opened his eyes to find Erwin looming at the edge of the bed, shirtless. His physique was unmatched, probably thanks to his alpha traits, whole body looking so thick and buff that it made Levi suddenly really insecure, picturing his own frail and lithe body, littered with all kinds of scars, one even uglier than the other. He was happy he was still wearing his sweater as he curled up as inconspicuously as possible, his mind telling him to hide his imperfections.

“None of that,” Erwin said as he firmly placed a strong hand on Levi’s stomach, stroking his belly fondly through the fabric of his green sweater. The alpha stopped his rubs for a moment and waited until Levi caught his gaze. “Want to keep it on, baby?”

Oh. It was more considerate behaviour than what Levi had ever thought possible during foreplay. Erwin truly went out of his way to make him feel comfortable and despite this all, Levi felt a sharp twinge in his stomach. Arousal.

Erwin ran his fingernails along the edges of the sweater, playing with it and rolling it up and out, totally at ease with waiting on Levi’s answer.

“Can I?” Levi asked, then, softly. Erwin looked over at him again, hands roaming up from his hips to cup his face and moved forward quickly to seal their lips into a kiss.

The kiss was long and languid, as if all of the alpha’s passion and love was melted into it. His lips were firm against Levi’s, but they never completely took over, leaving plenty of room for Levi to break off the kiss or even take charge if he wished. He didn’t, and Erwin eventually pulled away, a small string of saliva connecting their spit-slicked lips.

It was as much as an agreement as anything, but Erwin wasn’t Erwin if he didn’t verbally agree to Levi’s request. “Of course you can keep it on.”

In response, Levi forcibly shoved his nose into Erwin’s neck, scenting the alpha in a silent thanks. He never thought he’d love scenting this much, always having feared that it’d dull his entire brain and make him into this weak and submissive omega. It did neither, it just made Levi feel at ease, cared for. Safe.

He was feeling ‘safe’ a lot, these days.

He only realised he was purring again when Erwin sweetly laughed into his ear, praising him for being so open and trusting towards him. That was the gist of it, wasn’t it? Somewhere along the way, Levi had started to trust Erwin and had opened up to him and here he was, giving him everything he’d ever held dear.

“God, you smell so _good_ ,” Erwin moaned, out of the blue. “So much like _you_ , it’s…”

It was good to know that Levi wasn’t the only one affected by the pheromones in the air, driven crazy with want and lust but not wanting to push anything too far too soon. He knew he wanted this, though, he knew he wanted _more_ , whatever it’d be, and he felt like it was on his shoulders to take the next steps.

His hands gripped the band of his own breeches, clumsily trying to fumble them off while there was a heavy alpha looming above him, watching him keenly.

“Need some help there?”

 _Fuck_ this guy.

Levi nodded.

“You’re so sweet,” Erwin chuckled, laughing even louder when Levi angrily shoved his fists into the alpha’s bare chest but still helped shimmying off his trousers, reverently lifting both of Levi’s legs to carefully pull it off.

Neither of them was ready for the heavy, irony smell of Levi’s slick that suddenly filled the room, so much stronger now that the trousers didn’t keep it in place.

“F-fuck, baby, that’s…”

Levi bucked into Erwin’s hand, the one that had remained poised on his hipbone after pulling off his breeches. He didn’t know what this feeling was, honestly, and if pressured, he wasn’t sure if he could give it a label, but he knew he wanted _more_.

“More.” A demand. In the heat of the moment, Levi managed to actually _demand_ something of Erwin, an alpha no less, and the rush of it felt so good that more words came tumbling off his lips. “Make me yours, alpha.”

For the first time that night, Erwin snapped. Growling loudly, he twisted Levi around and hooked a finger on the seam of his underwear, pulling it off in one swift motion. The cold air bit at Levi’s arousal, making it so _flushed_ , and Levi relished in the soft torture.

“Last time to back out, petal,” Erwin forced out, his nose hovering above Levi’s ass, watching as Levi trembled yet again at the nickname. “You’re so…”

“Do it,” Levi demanded as he pushed his ass back, up into the vague direction of Erwin’s nose, not even sure if that were his intentions but still requesting it anyway, so keen on being handled in such a _filthy_ way.

“Not today, shit. I won’t last,” Erwin laughed humourlessly, lifting his nose away from Levi’s ass while his hands kneaded the soft flesh, slowly spreading his cheeks. “So wet already.”

 _That_ was the tipping point for Levi, so done being bounced back and forth while he just wanted one, single, simple thing. “Fucking fuck me, Erwin.”

Finally, without saying anything, Erwin pushed his finger into Levi’s hole, quickly but efficiently testing out the openness. “So loose.”

 _For you_ , Levi wanted to add, but he still felt like he was walking on too thin ice to be that sappy, especially in a moment like this, where all emotions were so heightened and different from usual. He simply _mewled_ and pushed his body back, trying to buck a little against Erwin’s finger to voicelessly show that he was more than ready for more.

Thankfully, Erwin understood, pulling his first finger out only to shove it right back in again, this time with _another_. The gathered slick had made the slide so sinfully easy, wetting Levi’s hole so dirtily that Levi was sure some of it must had slipped past Erwin’s fingers, right on the bedding.

It felt good to know that even when this moment together was over, Levi’s scent would linger in this room for a much longer time.

A surprised whine rose from his throat when Erwin suddenly switched tactics and pushed both his thumbs in, circling his rim and spreading him open for the alpha to _see_. When Erwin left his finger still for too long, Levi growled again, agitatedly kicking his leg against the bedding.

It earned a swift and hard slap to his thigh. “Don’t be a brat.”

“Says you.”

With a surprising speed Erwin changed positions, a big hand on the nape of Levi’s neck right above the neckline of his sweater, pushing him forcibly down into the bedding while his other hand struck Levi’s thigh a couple of times in succession. Levi was so _overwhelmed_ by the course of events that he submitted to his omega without hesitation, sinking down into the bedding and going lax by the alpha’s command.

“Now that’s a good boy, right there,” Erwin murmured, suddenly sweetly stroking his thigh in form of reward. “Don’t try that again, _petal_.”

Levi grumbled back something incoherently, trying to tamper down the confused growl that was inching his way out of his throat. Levi had never done well with being held down, but here he was, wholly submitting to Erwin, trusting him to take the reins and keep him safe.

“You ready, baby?” Levi twisted his head to look back at Erwin, now poised behind Levi, hands on his hips and his cock on full display. Just like everything of Erwin’s, it was so _big_ , but anticipation and enthusiasm beat his fear and insecurity and he nodded firmly, more than ready to do this. “Tell me to stop when you need it, okay?”

Levi doubted he would need to. “’kay.”

Erwin moved forward, briefly stopping to guide his dick to Levi’s ass until he slipped in, bit by bit, still so _cautious_ as if a bit of roughhousing would break Levi. He let Erwin have his moment, though, knowing that the man liked taking his time and valued carefulness above everything.

Despite Erwin’s gentle preparation it still hurt a little, but Levi welcomed the slight burn, feeling that it slightly grounded his emotions. The pain quickly made place for extreme arousal, something that Levi had never felt before. It felt like his entire body was on fire and he didn’t know where to focus. Shifting his weight a bit, Levi pulled one of his arms free and made to grab his neglected, throbbing dick, but Erwin noticed way too soon and _growled_ possessively, all carefulness gone in an instant. The alpha’s hips snapped forward as he roughly clutched Levi’s wrist and pinned it to the small of his back, causing his spine to arch even further. The other hand slipped around Levi’s body, curling around Levi’s dick in a firm hold. “Mine.”

Levi just mewled loudly, trying to rock his hips back and forth even while being pinned in place so effectively. Erwin got the hint and built up a pace, dragging his hand and hips forward and backward in an agonisingly good rhythm.

“That’s it,” Levi moaned, satisfied that things were moving on, finally. “I’m y-yours.”

The growl turned into a small roar, quickly followed up by a happy mewl and despite it all, Levi found himself smiling in the bedding, pleased with how easily he could affect the alpha. The bed shook roughly and Levi gripped the sheets, fingernails clawing in the soft fabric to try and find some hold to keep him grounded while Erwin fucked earnestly.  

Out of nowhere a feeling crept up into his gut, pleasure flooding in his brain, and Levi let out a long and stuttering sniffle, unsure of where to focus other than that it felt so _nice_.

“S-so good,” Erwin breathed out on top of him, probably noticing that Levi was zoning out. “You’re doing so good.”

That’s when Levi felt it. The pressure that was building in his body just grew bigger and bigger until he couldn’t take it anymore, whole body going lax as he came over Erwin’s hand and on the sheets. He smiled happily, breathing in the combined smell of him and _his_ alpha and vaguely registered Erwin grunting and still moving, quickly chasing his own release. The alpha suddenly let go of his arms and dragged him on his side, cradling him against his chest. They laid still for a long while, simply cuddling together.

Erwin nuzzled into Levi’s neck, running his nose along Levi’s jaw. It felt _so_ good, especially in the content haze Levi was swimming in. “Was it your first time?”

The question took Levi a bit by surprise, his body tensing up until his instincts told him that it was just his _alpha_ , that there was nothing to worry about.

“Nobody ever knew I was an omega,” he said, thinking that it conveyed his answer well enough.

A loud, content rumble that sounded an awful lot like a satisfied purr reverberated from Erwin, making Levi smile fondly. Apparently, the message had come across more than enough.  

 

\----////----

 

The morning cold woke Levi, a small draft coming over from the open window from the opposite side of the room.

Something immediately clicked in his mind: he was alone.

Even though he’d been drinking last night, he surely remembered going back with Erwin and ended up in his bed. Having sex.

That small, annoying part of his brain was upset that he’d given in to his omegan instincts, but the bigger, more logical part told him he’d made the right choices. Erwin had been nothing but good to him, taking time and constantly asking consent, even to the point of frustration.

The only thing that might had made it better would have been the exclusion of the alcohol, but what was done was done, and Levi was in no place to complain. He _thought_ Erwin wasn’t either, but if that was the case, then why wasn’t the alpha in bed?

His smell lingered everywhere – on the sheets, in the room, on _Levi_ , and it was overwhelming. Overwhelming, because Levi gave his everything and Erwin took everything with him. Did he lie? Did he lie when he told Levi he felt the same about him? Did he just say that to get Levi to sleep with him?

Cold anxiety overtook him and he curled up in a small ball, breath hitching in his throat, completely closed off from the outside world.

He was alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heheeh a cliffhanger! :>
> 
> see you next time,  
> -saf


	5. Growing Roots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello! it's been a while!
> 
> since the last update, a lot's been on my mind and this fic wasn't one of them. but if you've left a comment, asking for any continuation, i've always promised i'd finish this fic.
> 
> so here we are! my life has settled down and i'm settling to finish this fic the coming month. i'll focus my attention on this in my free time and i'll be giving you a few more updates before wrapping it up! 
> 
> i do recommend, since it's been so many months, to re-read at least the last chapter, but preferably the whole fic. it's not that much, but it'd aid lots in the understanding.
> 
> hope you'll like this update nonetheless! thanks for the patience <3  
> -Saf

Levi was still curled up into a ball when the bedroom door opened, completely oblivious to his surroundings. Somewhere along the way he’d started raking his nails along his thighs, focusing his mind on the drag and pull on his skin, directing his thoughts away from the other, more harmful thoughts.

It was just like that time in the shower, post-op, where his thoughts had consumed him until there was nothing left to take. Except he’d still had _himself_ back then, and even though it’d been a warbled version of himself, he was still the one holding the reins.

And now, when he’d given the reins over to someone else for the first time in his life, he was left broken. Lost, and so very, very alone.

Really, it was all his own, stupid fault, as he should have never given his trust to anyone, ever. It simply didn’t end well for people like him, it never would.

Faintly, he felt himself digging his nails in his thighs again, though he wasn’t sure if there was anything left from either, both numb from the excessive harm he’d done to himself in the short span of time.

He was so _foolish_ –

“’vi.” Faint, incessant voices filled his ears, but Levi numbed them out, trusting his mind’s direct instinct of ‘ _not him_ ’, figuring it had a reason to feel betrayed. He couldn’t really identify the sounds, yet he let himself swim in them, unwilling to resurface and face whatever angry alpha he’d have to face.

Now that he apparently meant nothing to Erwin, he figured he’d be kicked from the corps soon.

“Petal, no.” Even if Levi had made the choice to zone it out, it didn’t mean that the voice left, still annoyingly buzzing by Levi’s ear, going as far as to attempt to take Levi’s hands.

At that contact, Levi recoiled strongly, exhausted thighs straining to carry his small frame across the bed. It was clear that he was hurt badly – even if Levi couldn’t see the damage done to them, he could feel it, feel the skin pulling at nothing, agitated and sore from the light touch of the bedsheets.

“Baby, fuck, look–”

It sounded desperate, and it was almost _funny_ to Levi – that voice, desperate? Desperate, after he had left him, struggling in the dark? He would laugh, had he had the energy to do so. His fingers sunk into his calves, set on doing more damage, simply to cope, to deal with all the confliction emotions thrown at him.

There was one that stuck out, though, one emotion that hit Levi so hard that it threw him off track, one that still managed to move the soft part of his brain, the emotional side that he had tried to bury all those years, the ones that he’d never shown around anyone – anyone, except Erwin.

It was the scent of tears. Bitter tears, tears that were streaming down in uncontrolled rivulets, an emotion so strong that it couldn’t have been controlled even if someone wanted to.

It was enough to pause Levi, enough for him to momentarily let his fingers hover above his red calves, enough to take a step back and rationalise.

Those weren’t his tears.

Over the years, Levi had cried often, his tears being a coping mechanism, letting them drop whenever the moment was safe enough, letting him drown in the moment of melancholic sadness. It was a part of him, and it had been burnt into his memory so well that he’d always be able to recognise his own tears.

And these weren’t his. No, they were Erwin’s.

Instead of responding, Levi let his hands drop onto the ruined bedsheets, crying along with Erwin until he blacked out, all the events barraging into him with a sheer amount of exhaustion he’d never felt before.

 

\----////----

 

A soft cloth was dragged over his leg, startling Levi awake.

Confused, he glanced around the room, seeing that he’d been moved into a bathroom of sorts; one that was small but had all the necessities.

One that was probably Erwin’s.

The cloth was dragged over his leg again – softly and caring, almost as if he was a fragile thing that’d break at too much roughhousing, as if he was an _omega_.

Despite everything, a low growl rumbled in his throat, bubbling from his lips while his eyes were still half closed, sleep lingering at the corners. Faintly, he knew it was ridiculous, but Levi just hated to be belittled. This just rubbed him in the wrong way.

“It’s alright, let it out,” a voice consoled, accompanied by the faint sound of a rag being wrung out in the background. The air got a little headier, the mess of emotions (many of them not really positive) being pierced with a strong one, a scent that was obviously meant to console.

A scent only alphas could emit so strongly, and Levi knew right away which alpha was sitting by his side.

Even through his revelation, he sat quietly in his chair, patiently letting Erwin clean, cream, and bandages his hurt legs. Throughout the whole process, Levi didn’t once look down at the alpha, pride keeping his head held high while his eyes were still firmly scrunched shut.

Although he wasn’t feeling as negative as the night before, he still wasn’t on good grounds with the alpha or himself. He’d taken a good hit yesterday, sacrificed a part of his mental wellbeing for a reason that was still very unknown to him.

If the alpha hated him, why would he still take care of him and bandage his legs like he truly gave a fuck about Levi?

“Lev,” Erwin cut him short, hands busy wringing out the rag. Hands that hadn’t touched Levi at all, aside from the needful medical touches. “Don’t think too much, baby. Please.”

Levi’s eyes shot open, piercing down Erwin’s blue eyes, even with the distance between him.

“I’m,” he croaked, willing his voice to corporate with him for this _one_ time. Even if it was a lie. “Not y’r baby.”

If the look of hurt on Erwin’s face hadn’t conveyed the message, then his scent would’ve, as his normally so strong and powerful scent turned sour and almost _small_ at Levi’s admission.

Levi tried not to care, but he did.

“I think…” Erwin trailed off, looking down at his feet as he awkwardly put a little more space between the two of them. “I think it’d be better. Better if we took some distance. You and me.”

While Levi had expected much, he hadn’t expected this: the confident alpha, the man that had waited for Levi, waited for Levi to come around, waited for him to ask and supported him every step of the way, _that_ confident alpha, shrinking back on himself and taking his words back.

Taking his love back.

Levi didn’t understand.

“Was it the alcohol?” Levi bit back, demanding. He’d stand up from the sink’s ledge, but he was sure that his legs couldn’t carry his weight and he’d be even worse off if Erwin had to help him back up. Thanks, but no thanks. “Was it _me_?”

Two wide eyes stared back at him, intense and _sad_ , still shining with some fresh unshed tears. Levi just couldn’t find it in him to pity him, not when the other had hurt and confused him so badly.

“It’s never been you, Levi,” Erwin eventually admitted, breaking the tense silence between them, a silence that Levi wouldn’t have addressed at all. “Never.”

“Then _who_? What confused you so badly to back away, _back away_ , right when I finally gave in to you?” Levi seethed, his blood boiling in his veins, his ears turning a bright shade of red from the bridled anger. “Do you _know_ how hard it was for me, to open up, to give myself over? And you what? Throw it to the ground and stomp on it?”

“It’s always been _me_ , Levi,” Erwin whispered, rag long since fallen to the floor. In its stead, his fingers were continuously weaving intricated but stressful patterns. “Me, not you.”

For the second time, Levi pierced Erwin with his gaze, staring right at him as if it’d tear the answers from the man’s body. He was just too _tired_ to ask, too tired to chase and be chased.

“Come clean, Erwin.”

Erwin said nothing, conflict written on his face as he stepped forward, reaching out to touch but moving back at the last moment, almost as if he was reconsidering. Perhaps he was. “I’m not the alpha you deserve, Levi.”

And just like that, Erwin left, leaving Levi perched on the countertop with his wounds throbbing dully, but nothing hurt as much as his broken heart.

 

\----////----

 

As always, Mike had come to clean up after Erwin’s mess.

It almost seemed as if Mike was the one saddled up with the tasks Erwin didn’t feel competent enough for, leaving the alpha left to tend to an agitated and broken omega, wounded in more ways than one.

Levi hoped Mike got paid well for this.

Mike had picked him up from the bathroom’s floor, softly tutting at the broken way that he’d curled up in a corner, too weak to move, but too stubborn to stay in _Erwin’s_ place. He didn’t belong here, apparently.

Bitterly, Levi thought he’d never belonged there.

There was something very off about Erwin’s words though – they were very self-deprecating, almost as if Erwin had hurt himself more by saying them, by defying his nature and leaving a wounded omega to fend for himself. Both of them knew Levi would be more than able to stand his ground, even when wounded like this, but it was standard alpha instinct: protect your omega, no matter what.

Instead, Erwin left them both to suffer.

“I feel like the fucking mediator, but you need to talk,” Mike said to Levi, who was perched awkwardly on Erwin’s clean bed, free of cum and blood. “This… Erwin does this sometimes, shutting himself out. He thinks he’s doing you a service, distancing himself for you, but in fact you’re both just hurting.”

“How,” Levi had whispered brokenly, staring at his torn nailbeds: clean, but still broken. Just like him: clean, but broken. “He just… left.”

“Levi, look at me.” It was a clear command, one that Mike knew would force Levi to follow, weak as he was. Vulnerable. Pathetic. Levi looked up, tears brimming in his eyes, contradicting his drawn eyebrows. “Good boy. Listen to me, now. Erwin’s in his office, yeah? Right next door.”

Next door? Why can’t he smell the alpha then, if he was so close?

“You can’t smell him because he took suppressants. His instincts are going haywire, all because he left you in there, alone and afraid,” Mike supplied, probably seeing the way Levi had scrunched his nose confusedly. Wait. Suppressants? “You need to talk. Can you do that for me, if I carry you into the room?”

Jumping at the chance to meet his alpha, to put things right, Levi just nodded dumbly, already scooting forward on the bed to get up on his shaky legs. Before he could even take a step, Mike was by his side, supporting his whole weight as he led Levi to the closed door, the door to Erwin’s office.

This would be it.

 

\----////----

 

“What do you _mean_ , ‘you can’t love me’?” Levi shouted, anger rising well over the surface, staining the room with its putrid and intrusive scent. “I love who I love, Erwin, it’s _my_ choice.”

“People like me don’t become veterans,” Erwin said softly, softer than Levi had ever heard him talk before. The alpha was massaging his temples, keeping a good distance between the two of them. “They just _don’t_ , Levi. The Survey Corps has the highest death rate of all. What does that say about the duration of my commanding position? I’m too high-profile – I’ll most likely die within a few years and a new commander will be placed in my stead. It’s how things go.”

Silence fell, Levi blinking away the confusion that Erwin’s confession left. What had the potential of dying got to do with their current situation?

“The former commander retired,” Levi returned, muttering softly.

“Yes,” Erwin said with a long sigh, staring straight at Levi for the first time that night, while his fingers still rubbed furiously at his own temples. “Yes, he did, but he was the first.”

The first commander to survive their reign. The first commander in a chain of many to step back without the cause being death.

Why couldn’t Erwin be the second?

“Look, Levi,” Erwin said forlornly, eyes drooping down towards the table. Somehow, Levi knew he was going to say something stupid before he’d even taken a breath to start his sentence. “You can’t be with me. Find yourself another alpha, someone who won’t die within a few years. Someone who can love you your entire life, because you deserve that much and so much more.”

“What the fuck?” A new kind of anger rose within Levi, something more akin to frustration. How could Erwin be so _dumb_? So short-minded? So self-depreciating? “Are you just giving up? Just like that? Then you might as well be dead already.”

Erwin closed his eyes, his body looking smaller than small in the big chair, all his previous alpha bravado gone, just like the love that used to sizzle between them.

But Levi wasn’t done.

“I’m a soldier too, Erwin. I can die, too. It’s the line of work that we do and it’s fucking risky. People die, a lot.” Sadness rose up in him as he remembered the lifeless bodies of Furlan and Isabel lying at his feet, bleeding, dying. His throat closed up, but he kept on talking, needing the words to curl off his chest. “But we all have to realise that there’s a life after this uniform, a life that’s got nothing to do with the corps. A life that we _all_ deserve, and even if some of us don’t make it, the ones that do need to live it.”

He let the silence fall, taking a few measured steps closer to Erwin.

“And even if it’s just tomorrow, or perhaps just today, I don’t want to regret things I didn’t do. People I didn’t love.” In the meantime, he’d reached the front of Erwin’s chair, hands fisted at his sides as he tried not to show his annoyance at the sight of the small, scentless alpha in front of him.

Those fucking _suppressants._

“So, fuck you, Erwin,” he spat, uncaring about the image he was painting of himself – one of a disobedient, snappy omega. It was an atypical image, but Levi had never fit the norm very well. “Even if this might ruin me or you, I still think it’s worth it.”

When Levi smelt the tangy scent of tears, he said nothing but drew Erwin closer into his chest, wordlessly returning the consolation Erwin had given him over the past weeks.

 

\----////----

 

“Not to pry, but to pry,” Hanji bounced into Levi’s room, holding a pot with some steaming liquid. Because of their jumping, some slipped over the edge, the scalding liquid dripping right on Hanji’s hand.

They didn’t seem to mind.

“Did you sleep with Erwin? Thing is, you’re off the suppressants right now, so, you know. I don’t know.” Hanji babbled, placing the pot on Levi’s table as they veered off to look for a mug of sorts. Levi let them, not bothering to help them find it faster. They wouldn’t listen anyway. “I bet it was good!”

At that, Levi rose an eyebrow, wondering why Hanji, of all people, was really asking him questions about his sexual adventures. Despite their weird enthusiasm, Levi could never make himself be annoyed at their presence. Hanji had that effect on people.

“Ah!” Hanji clapped their hands together in victory before they picked up two mugs – mugs that’d been standing on the very visible shelf the moment they came in. Levi wondered how they even searched, sometimes. “So, here’s the tea.”

They slid a mug with dark liquid over to Levi, and he squinted at it suspiciously, not sure whether it was safe to drink. He knew Hanji probably meant well, but their ‘meaning well’ might as well be a fatal amount of poison.

“It’s herbs,” they smiled, taking their cup and taking a big gulp, despite the steam that was still rising from the rim. Levi would wait a while, first. “It seems to be good for headaches.”

Ah. Headaches.

They had come back. Right after his turbulent night and morning with Erwin, he’d been coping with all his previous symptoms. He figured it was because his omega had felt abandoned and stepped upon – righteously, of course, if only for a short while, but it had been three days and they were still plaguing his nights.

He hadn’t told Erwin, as Erwin had been incredibly busy with the corps and planning a new expedition, one that’d be launched in a fortnight. While it was still a while away, the preparations were major and Levi understood the importance of them.

He’d vouched to never let his weak omegan feelings stand between Erwin and his work.  

It was why he hadn’t told Erwin anything, and if Levi didn’t tell Erwin, then he’d definitely not tell anyone else. He wasn’t that much of a sharer and hated to admit any types of weaknesses. His illness leave was still ongoing as well, meaning that he had all day to feel ill on his own.

Which was just _perfect_ , until Hanji had decided to barge in and not-so-subtly share that they were aware that Levi was dealing with the same situation all over again.

“You noticed.” It was a statement that was brought tonelessly – tonelessly, because Levi himself hadn’t figured out his stance on the whole thing. Honestly, he liked being supported, knowing that these people considered him their friend and theirs to look after, but it was still a foreign concept to Levi, making it hard to handle in social situations.

“I did,” Hanji confirmed, already refilling their teacup, almost as if they were also coping with headaches. With the low amount of sleep they got on an average night, Levi wasn’t surprised. “It’s in your scent, a little.”

Levi rose an eyebrow, curiously sniffing the tea. It was very herbal, almost bitter.

“You smell…” Hanji cut themselves off, staring into the distance. “It’s a very familiar smell. Not common, but familiar. Feels warm, like home. When you’re sad, it turns darker, sourer. Like how the sky closes up before a rainstorm.”

It was poetic, brought in a way that Levi hadn’t bothered thinking about. Ever since he’d been off the suppressants, his sense of smell had improved. Where at first he could only figure out who was an alpha, he could now decipher different scents and could even put a name to some, marvelling in the little seed of recognition he found.

He’d never been able to smell himself, though.

“What do I smell like?”

Looking over into Levi’s teacup to check if he’d finished it, Hanji collected the cups and brought them over to the small sink, quickly rinsing them and putting them out to dry. Levi remained seated, carefully watching Hanji pick up the teapot and moving back to the door. Before they left, they turned around, briefly looking at Levi intently.   

“You should ask Erwin that.”

 

\----////----

 

Two days, it’d been two days since Hanji had visited, and Levi hadn’t left his room.

At this point, the headaches were splitting his skull, forcing him to stay low and move as little as possible to prevent another attack. He did eat, though not much and always in short intervals, to prevent throwing up.

The root of his misery was loud and clear: it was the fact that he hadn’t seen Erwin, hadn’t spent time with Erwin. His omega was screaming, telling him to go out and check up on the alpha, _his_ alpha, but Levi was too stubborn.

Work was more important than him, obviously.

So he grit his teeth and winced as he suffered through another bout of headaches, body pitifully curled around a cushion and one of Erwin’s (definitely not stolen) sweaters. The scent had soothed him in the beginning, but his own misery had drowned it out maddingly fast.

Despite it all, Levi made no sound, enabling him to be on high alert when he heard a soft knock on his door, one that he left unanswered. The ones who’re allowed in would come in either way, whether he’d respond or not, so Levi let it be, but not before uncurling a little, two red eyes facing the doorway.

If needed, he could at least attempt to fight.

It wasn’t needed. Standing in the doorway was his own alpha, Erwin, and Levi couldn’t prevent the loud and long whine slipping from his lips, his bodily angling towards the man as if on instinct.

Erwin had come, for _him_.

“This is what we weren’t going to do,” Erwin muttered, eyes frantically taking in the mess of the room, undoubtedly putting two and two together. “Levi, why didn’t you say anything?”

“You were at w’rk,” Levi mumbled, happily nuzzling in the hand Erwin proffered, drinking in the familiar scent that evoked that strong feeling of _safety_. “Can’t bother.”

“No,” Erwin said softly, nails coming up to scratch under Levi’s chin, eliciting a strong purr. Fuck, that felt good. “You’re more important than work, petal.”

 _Petal_. It’s been too long since he’d last heard that, and his heart fluttered happily, a small smile stretching across his face. It was almost alcohol, Erwin’s scent, alcohol without the nasty aftereffects.

Levi dug in deeper.

“I’m going to pick you up, okay?” It was a warning, meant to prepare Levi for the arms that curled under his body and picked him up as if he weighed nothing, pressing him to the alpha’s chest while the man pulled a blanket around Levi’s frame.

Wait, was he trembling? Why was he trembling?

“I can’t believe you,” Erwin said. Levi didn’t answer, other than nuzzling into the man’s firm chest, breathing in deeply. He wasn’t too sober anymore. “Berating me for hurting myself and then putting yourself second, for no good reason _at all_.”

Levi purred.

 

\----////----

 

Somehow, Erwin had carried Levi all the way to his room.

Not that Levi remembered, as he’d passed out from sheer bliss and exhaustion the moment the alpha had stepped outside Levi’s doors.

But he _sure_ had remembered how it felt to wake up in the large bed, the one with the heavenly soft bedding and littered with all of Levi’s favourite blankets. The bonus? It all smelt like Erwin, and perhaps, Levi hoped, a little like him.

It did him well.

Although the blankets around him had provided him plenty of warmth and comfort, they weren’t placed _right_. It irked Levi for a while, but he tried to squish it down, knowing that it was a nesting instinct, often only seen in omegas. Levi would rather sleep than give in to those instinctual urges.

But he soon found that he couldn’t sleep with his omega being so agitated about the messy, messy bed, and after tossing and turning a few times (one time even waking Erwin), Levi decided to give in and rearrange the bed.

His fingers wound into the different fabrics, instinct and his nose telling him where the different blankets needed to be, which function they needed to serve, and how they should be positioned. The blue blanket _couldn’t_ be paired with the orange, as the colour’s clash, and the one blanket that was a little stiff just _couldn’t_ be the cushion.

Duh.

Levi pottered around some more, hands flying over the fabrics as his instincts guided them where they needed to be. It was fulfilling, more satisfying than anything else he had done over the past days, especially with the heavy fog of his headaches steadily lifting off his mind. A content sigh slipped from his lips as he rubbed his neck into the softest blanket around, practically soaking it in his scent, a scent that he still couldn’t put a name to.

He made a mental note to ask Erwin.

A few experimental rolls, minor touch-ups, and a lot of scenting later, Levi deemed his nest done. Involuntarily, his chest puffed out proudly, happy with his fast and considerably good results. Even though it were still instincts he’d rather bury than show off, he was getting better at this whole omega thing. It was doing his mental state of mind a whole lot of favours, for sure. So he just let the thoughts settle as he nuzzled in happily, the entirety of his back touching Erwin’s chest.

And if anyone asked; Levi didn’t smile when the alpha’s arms curled around his waist, not at all.


End file.
